Broken lives and shattered minds

Chapter 10~ A broken family?

HI! Bye. Last one for now. Otherwise I'd keep uploading, which isn't nessecarily a bad thing but I also want to do something else still before the day is gone. This chapter is pretty painful, so please take care. 

The picture at the beginning of the chapter belongs to the 3rd person's part. I would recommend reading it at the end of that part- otherwise it's not gonna make much sense. 

Vylad's P.O.V:

TRIGGER WARNING: Cursing, sleep-deprivation, self-hatred, crying, misplaced anger, mentions of abuse, suicide ideation, suicidal thoughts, giving up.

It doesn't matter anymore, nothing matters anymore. It's all just hopeless, so fucking hopeless.

My body lets out another hoarse laugh at those thoughts. Why does it feel so funny to me now, while just seconds ago I was crying. Maybe I've just finally realized that everything I've ever done to help has been for absolutely nothing! It's just so funny that I seriously thought I could do things right. I can never do things right!

...

I can never do things right!

A burning rage fueled by self-hatred spreads through my veins.

I just want to do things right for once in my damned life! Why can I never help people in time, I am always too late! It's hopeless, it's absolutely hopeless. I can't help Zane anymore, he is too far gone, that much is clear from the entry. And Garroth, Irene I don't understand him at all anymore! Why did he come out of Garte's study, why is he suddenly so stupidly passive!

The rage turns into white hot anger pointed towards Garroth.

It's all his fault! If he had just not been an idiot maybe Zane would have been freed by now, but no- he just had to go and screw things up! And now somehow he has become Garte's little dog! I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!

...

I don't hate him...

I know these thoughts aren't logical anymore, I'm just so tired. I want to sleep, I really do, but I know that I will not be able to. Not with that entry branded into my brain.

Tears start to escape the confines of my eyes, staining my cheeks once again.

When have I become so weak? Why can't I even regulate my emotions anymore.

Why do I want to scream, and cry, and break things... Why do I just want a hug, just someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me that it's going to be okay. That Zane is okay, that Garroth is okay, that mom is okay... That I am okay.

But I'm not okay.

And neither is the rest.

I just want to sleep...

But instead I stare at the translation of the diary entry once again. That stupid translation that ruined my day. That ruined my life! I hate that entry! I hate Zane for writing that stupid thing!

With renewed rage I read the entry again.

So these last few days have sucked badly.

I don't know how to even begin writing this, don't know if I should either. What's the use anyway, it's not like I'll forget this ever happened. And if I did forget, that would be better.

I'm stalling... I should just get it over with.

Recap time woo... (Irene I can't even deal with any of this without using sarcasm to hide it.)