Him.

Late night notes.

Sometime in January.. ( sorry I forgot when I wrote this)

There once was a boy, who made me happy. Just the sound of his laugh, or someone else saying his name made me instantly smile. Seeing his face made my stomach erupt with thousands of butterflies, when he looked at me for no reason at all, I would act like I didn't notice cause I know if I looked back I would get lost in his huge brown eyes. The way my name rolled off his tounge made my head spin, and his smile could make my heart stop. But something was wrong. Really wrong.....he was my best friend I shouldn't have felt like this but I did. I pushed the feelings aside afraid of what could happen if I did tell him how I felt. Until that summer when he texted me late at night. He said everything I wanted to hear since I saw him. He liked me...not only did he like me but he "loved" me. We started dating the next week, and everyday I went to see him. It was absolutely perfect. It was warm outside and at the park he would push me on the swings absent mindedly. I was happy....very happy but too insecure too realise that no matter how ugly I thought he didn't see that. I pushed him away , and I lost him. August goes by and then so does September. On my birthday I sat in my room and wondered if her remembered. But of course he didn't why would he. How could he? I was still thinking of him but he was not thinking of me. I had to get him out my head , I tried out for cheer and made the squad, I made new friends and got good grades, all straight A's. He started drifting farther and farther to the back of my mind , I slowly started to forget the color of his eyes. Till the day he realised he was no longer there. When he realised I never snuck glances in his direction anymore, or how once in while I would sit closer to his table. The day he found out that I no longer cared was the day he pretended he really did care. He texted me hey it's me can we talk? I jut sat there and stared at my phone. Shocked. I didn't utter a single word. My heart stopped, my breathing stopped, and the world stopped. Everything stood still as his name lingered on my screen. Slowly and shakily I unlocked the phone and replied with a simple hi. I knew it was it was a bad idea cause as soon as he said do I have my best friend back all the memories came flooding back, the texts we sent the days in the park, the day he dumped me and broke my heart. But most importantly the thing that drew me in, his big gorgeous brown orbs. I was sucked back in by just 6 little words. Oh no they weren't just words I wanted them to be but they were so much more than that. In those 6 little words were memories we shared, the personality I grew so fond of, and his wording that made me swoon. I was in his trap just like that, and I knew there was no going back. He said he missed me and he wants to start over. That He really "loved" me and couldn't get over me. Of course I'm smitten and say yes and flirt back, just so he can take a step back. He's with a new girl now.....a super pretty girl. He knew he was back that was that, he was done with, bored, then just tossed me like trash. And once again I was left to tape another piece of the crack. 💔 👈the crack in my heart that was already sealed, by just 6 words had reappeared. To make it worse she wanted to be friends, who's she? Of course it was his new girlfriend. She hugged me and talked to me all day long , she even invited me over her house after school. I didn't hate her a such as I wanted to, I actually liked her more than I wanted to. We got closer as the days went on, I even saved her number into my phone. So now I was friends with my exes new girl. So of course that meant he came back in my world. We talked like the best friends we were in the beginning but that didn't fight the pain when I saw her and him kissing. The closer we got tho....the more distant they got .(cold hearted or not I was happy a's!) cause see my problem since the very beginning I couldn't never see him and someone else kissing. Girls to be exact. I hated the way he held her hand, like a queen, he never held my hand , never even tried. I hated how they just seemed so perfect but our relationship was questioned everyday if it was worth it. But now I had my own little trap and was working quite well. He started bringing up memories, and called me my nickname. He asked to see me almost everyday. He walked me home and with me to school. And texted me all day and all night in end. He fell back in "love" me and I couldn't be more happy . But is this what I wanted? He asked me out a couple weeks later of course I said yes. I told his now ex and she was upset , I lost my friend....a really good friend. A week went by but it felt like longer. After school I noticed something. His ex was standing with him and some friends, but of course me too shy to say anything just stared. I didn't say anything else to him that day except for when I got home. He texted me and said I gotta be honest I said I have to tell you something too. I broke up with him. Everything was over, walking to school, the cute texts. Everything. I never ever get sick and after the break up I was really sick. I slept all day and didn't move. I think I was sick from a broken heart. I had to break up with him nobody understands. He obviously was still in love with his ex but it doesn't matter I won't go back into detail. So now I'm single but he went right back to her. The day I got back to school from being sick she had a huge ass hickey just sitting in her neck. Her hair was tied up so everyone could see it, and when I heard who did it everything got dizzy. Just like the day he texted me out of nowhere, everything in the world stopped. Ig I broke his heart by breaking with him but karma really Is a bitch cause he got me back in about 3 days. We haven't talked since except for one day when he texted me again just to rant. We talked like best friends for the very last time in like early January. Him and his girlfriend are doing okay ig. They got in a huge argument but that doesn't mean they're over but hopefully it will be soon cause I want my friend back and I want her to realise something I wish I did when I was crying over him....he isn't shit, he's a player and can't stay single for more than 2 weeks. I know I'm young but I think I know what love is Nd what it feel like. No matter what I'll always love that boy but not ever will I go back to him. I fell for his eyes when he didn't know me yet. I thought I knew him but I was wrong but I know now. And now that I've seen the side he was hiding it's easier to let go. The memories are fading again and my smile is starting to be a real smile again. His gorgeous brown eyes still linger in mind quite often, but sooner or later hopefully sooner than later they will also be forgotten.