Renaissance of Chaos

XVIII

The horizons were died in pink and yellow by the setting sun. The heavens were slowly discarding the light blue hues they had dotted during the day, embracing the dark and melancholy of the chill night, starts already visible, with their enchanted gleam. Streets full of children in the afternoon, were now silent apart from the stray villager leading his cow home from a day of grazing. Smoke from the chimneys was rising to the skies, the scent of freshly baked breads and soups spreading through the open windows and doors.

James sat at the small station, waiting for the bus leading to town. In the pocket of his coat, the Radiance returned to her slumber, but it was a faint one, the slightest of sounds waking her up. Occasionally, he would stroke her head to calm her down and help her fall asleep again. Surprisingly, she didn't shy away from his touch, but rather leaned into it.

The last events of that afternoon kept running over and over again through his mind. He was wandering, what could he have done, how could he have helped diffuse the situation. His niece's words continued to ring in his ears, the pain and hurt within tugging at old wounds he thought long healed. Emotions he had fought with time and time again emerged once more to torture him, and the face of his father flashed before his eyes.

Though he hated to admit it, he had despised him for abandoning him that day, for letting him go so easily as if he had been nothing but an object to be used and discarded. He still remembered the nights he cried himself to sleep, wondering what he did wrong to be so hated, to be thrown away by his own family. He hadn't been the perfect son, even as a child, he knew that. But it pained him still, to recall the moment his parents so eagerly pushed him into the arms of a stranger to take him away. For years, he had been paralyzed with the fear that Olaf and his family would do the same. That they too, would throw him away when they would no longer want to deal with him. It had taken him much hard work to get over that fear, but its scars would always be there. He... he couldn't even fully admit whether or not he had forgiven his father for the past.

Now, he saw something similar happen with his niece, brother, and the great-grandmother.

The buss finally appeared, and pulled into the station, but James hadn't moved from his spot.

"Should I go? Should I talk to her?... But what if I make things worse?"

His thoughts were plagued by doubts, and he hadn't even heard the bus driver call out to him. What if he made things worse? But (Y/N) needed someone to talk to. He knew how much it would have helped him to do so back then. But it would have made things worse as well if not handled correctly. Did he have it in him to do so? But his niece needed help!

"Sir, is everything alright?" Jim asked, staring concerningly at the man.

James wanted to go. He needed to go. But what if he messed things up? But he had to try! BUT...

"Go. She needs you."

The quiet voice of the Radiance took him by surprise, nearly making him jolt in place. He looked down to find her staring up at him, her wide, glowing eyes holding a mix of emotions he hadn't seen her display before. Fear, regret, and sorrow. Suddenly, images flashed in his mind, of her and Grimm, two siblings, once close now torn apart. Both were yearning to return to those days from before, when they were still young and uncaring for the world around them, outside of their view. But neither knew how to make the first step. How to begin fixing that crumbling bridge. Grimm tried that morning, but alas, it hadn't worked.

Regret. She knew how it bit and nagged and made one bleed even when where was nothing left to shed. It is the thing that keeps you up at night, the thing that makes you lay awake, staring at the ceiling, always asking why. She didn't want James to go through it. She didn't want anyone to experience it.