Sanctuary

Chapter 83

Sirius was at a loss. He'd always had the right words to help Remus before, but this time he couldn't think of a single thing to say. The sight of his boyfriend sitting hunched on the floor, hugging his legs and hiding his face in his knees, tore at his heart and his arms itched to hold him, but Remus wouldn't let him get close and he didn't know how else to help.

'What can I do?' he asked, hoping Remus would be able to tell him what he needed so Sirius could do it and make everything better. Seeing him in so much pain was unbearable.

Remus didn't respond.

'Moons?' James said, stepping forward. 'Tell us what you need.'

'Leave,' Remus said. 'Just leave. I want to be alone.'

'I don't think that's a good idea,' Sirius said.

'I don't really fucking care what you think is a good idea,' Remus said, his voice rising again. 'I'm not going back to the fucking dorm with you so you can all fucking stare at me, wondering how long it'll be until I fucking bite you, too.'

Sirius and James exchanged a glance with raised eyebrows. That was a lot of swearing for Remus.

'We're not wondering that,' Sirius said. 'We're just worried about you.'

'You shouldn't be. I'm not worth it. You should all just stay away from me. You'd be safer.'

James scoffed. 'Who wants to be safe?'

Sirius shot him a look that clearly said "shut the fuck up," before turning his attention back to Remus. 'You're not going to hurt us, and I don't know how you can say we're safer without you. How many times have you stopped us doing something really fucking stupid?'

But Remus didn't laugh. He didn't respond at all.

'Please come back to the dorm with us,' Sirius said. 'We'll leave you alone if that's what you want but—'

'Fine!' Remus snapped. 'Fine. If that's what it will take to get some bloody peace.'

Sirius slipped out to let Madam Pomfrey know they were leaving while Remus gathered his things and James changed out of Remus' clothes and into some of his own that were stashed in Remus' bag, and then they left through the new secret passage. The journey to Gryffindor Tower was made in silence, and thankfully Peter had succeeded in his mission and the girls were absent from the common room when they reached it, so they didn't need to make excuses for Remus' bad mood.

When they arrived in the dorm, Remus went straight to his bed and drew the curtains, leaving Sirius and James with no choice but to leave him alone as they'd promised.

'I should probably go find Evans,' James said. 'She'll be expecting me to want to talk to her about last night.'

'Yeah, go,' Sirius replied. 'I'll stay with Remus.'

An annoyed sound came from Remus' bed, but Sirius ignored it, picking up his journal with the intention of writing to sort out his thoughts. But he didn't get very far.

'Why are you still here?' Remus' voice came from behind his drawn curtains, emotionless and weary.

'Where else would I be?'

Remus just huffed in response before returning to his previous silence, and Sirius turned away, making himself comfortable before opening his journal.