Sanctuary

Chapter 86

Monday, 30th April 1973

The first day of the summer term dragged by unbearably slowly for Remus. They spent their first-period Charms class reviewing the Elemental Repellent Charm, and Remus had used the spell so many times to keep his clothes dry in the rain, or keep candles from being blown out by a breeze from the window, that he could have cast the damn thing in his sleep.

Defence was a little better. Professor Tenebris had been kind enough to partner him with Sirius for their first lesson back, but he found it was actually quite difficult to make himself cast anything at his boyfriend that could potentially hurt him. Fortunately, Sirius seemed to be having just as much difficulty, and their duels ended up consisting mostly of tickling charms and disarming spells. Professor Tenebris turned a blind eye to their less than stellar performance, concentrating her attention at the other end of the room.

By the time he got to Potions, Remus was starting to wonder how he was going to make it through to the end of the year without descending into madness if all his classes were going to be so tedious. Without a distraction, his mind inevitably drifted to thoughts of what he'd done, returning again and again to the memory of sinking his teeth into the man's arm, and the pleasure he felt as he did it.

And if he couldn't concentrate, he would fail his exams and be kicked out of Hogwarts. Which would make his plan to make a safer way for werewolves to transform impossible. What could he do without an education? Without access to Hogwarts' expansive library? Without a wand? Nothing. No, it was imperative he complete his education, and the first step was passing the second-year exams. But how, when he couldn't concentrate?

'Good afternoon, class,' Professor Slughorn said, to call them to attention. There was some rustling and the painful sound of stool legs scraping against stone as the students stopped what they were doing and turned to face him, and the noise level in the room rapidly declined into silence. 'Thank you. Today we'll be reviewing the Forgetfulness potion in case it comes up on the end-of-year exam. The recipe begins on page sixty-three, and I hope you all took detailed notes the last time you brewed this potion, as they will assist you greatly in improving on your past attempt. You may begin.'

Remus hadn't taken any notes the last time. Sirius had been in a coma, and Remus had ruined his potion on only the third step. Not that it mattered. The only time he'd ever managed to brew anything acceptable was when Peter had done most of the work. Regardless, he dutifully filled his cauldron with water and set it to start heating while he checked his kit. Finding he had everything but the mistletoe berries, he took out the other ingredients, placing them on the desk, before glancing at the front of the room. The area around the store cupboard was pretty clear, so it was a good time to go.

'You need anything from the cupboard, mate?' he asked Peter as he sidestepped into the aisle.

'Oh. Yeah, actually. I'm low on Valerian.' Peter looked up from sorting through his ingredients. 'I can go, though. What do you need?'

'No, it's alright. I've got it.' Remus gave him a small smile and moved away, heading for the store cupboard at the front of the room. It was kind of Peter to try to spare him from uncomfortable situations, but he didn't deserve that sort of thoughtfulness, not anymore. The doors to the cupboard were already open, Slughorn having unlocked it for their use at the start of the lesson, and Remus scanned the shelves. He found Pete's Valerian fairly quickly, but the mistletoe berries were proving more elusive and he reached in, shifting some of the containers to the side to see behind them when his eyes alighted on a particular jar of purple-blue flowers and he froze as his mind span out of control.

I'm supposed to be dead, he heard himself saying to Peter. I bit someone. I'm supposed to be dead. He reached out and his hand brushed against the cold glass of the jar. The answer was right there at his fingertips. All he had to do was pick up the jar and slip it into his pocket. Then he could wait until the others were asleep and—