Unmasked

Burning Out

My parents were never in love. They had teenage love. They met at 21 and 22 and had me at 23 and divorced at 33. They're 37 now. One of them lives in New York City and is a business man. Has a huge family and a perfect life. A big white house with flowers growing everywhere. The other parent lives in Philadelphia as a single parent. They drink everyday and works at her local Target. Can you Guess which is which?

My parents met at a skating rink. They went to the same school before they graduated just my dad was a popular kid and my mom was a loner. My mom was beautiful tho. She has this blonde straight hair with a perfect smile. She wore sundresses almost everyday and in the winter she had a "hippie" style. My mom had friends. She just wasn't a suck up. She didn't have to have three friends following her around or a perfect boyfriend to make out with in the hallways and she didn't need a sport to boss her around. She was just Cassie. It's crazy how stuff doesn't change over the years.

Me and my dad never had a good relationship. He always dreamed of having a certain daughter. I starved myself for two years until he stopped whining about my weight.
"Lana it's at least 97 degrees outside are you sure you're wearing a hoodie?" Says Dad
"No, i'm okay Dad."
" You can't play sports in hoodies. Go run upstairs and change!"
"No." I say
"Excuse me?" Says Dad.
"No. I'm not playing sports. I refuse to be like you." I say and run.

I was always the main target when my parents argued. When they argued I cried. Every. Single. Time. I've never liked anger. You just put in headphones, get under a cover, and cry.

After my dad left us I visited him frequently and then I stopped. We stopped talking to each other and just moved on with each other. My mom is still upset and is jealous of him so she drinks her thoughts away. I always wondered if I should send a letter, I just have no idea what to say. Maybe "I'm sorry." or "How are you?". I can't tell him how i'm doing. He will probably never talk to me again. Eventually I just forget about it and never say anything.

My mom always writes out letters to him but never sends them. One said
"Dear Dustin,

How we ended was wrong of us. I never know if it's my job to apologize or not. But this letter is a huge "F-U." I hate you for all the trauma you left me to get over. All the times I apologized for your mistakes. Every day trying to be perfect for you. Loosing 56 pounds just to look like a women in a magazine. Doing stuff you know I hate just to satisfy you and walking in that skating rink.

Have fun cheating on this wife as well!

Love,
Cassie Madden"

Sometimes I just want to send the letters without her knowing but I know she would hate me if I did that. I know every-time she writes the letters she is hungover. She never picked up a drink until after they divorced.

All the memories we ever had together are haunted.