My Energy Source

My Battery Pack

I've came to the conclusion that I am not
only constantly sleeping to get out of my head, not only because I'm mentally exhausted, not only because I can't sleep at night due to thoughts that are out of my control, but because it's not just my body and mind that are tired. It's my heart and soul.
I walk though my front door every day hopping that if I just go to sleep one more time
somewhere or somehow I'll be able to wake up and be fully charged again. But it's become a cycle. It's every day. A constant battle of who can win first, falling asleep for hours upon end or
overthinking until my mind gives out.
I don't even have days of hope anymore, its as if my first aid kit for my mental health has been used to the point where it's empty. I'm just another breathing body placed on a ginormous spinning rock. I tell myself "Chloe there's bigger problems in the world than you loosing the one person you just happened to fall in love with" like it shouldn't be that big of a deal right? but that's it. That right there. I tell myself that knowing to
me He was the answer to every single problem the world could throw at me. He was like my calculator in algebra. Without it there's a constant panic in my head of trying to figure out the answers to my questions.
Falling asleep next to the boy I loved created a type of energy I could survive off of for days. But after awhile that energy faded. the longer I have to stay away from Him, the more drained I become, and truly I think that's one of the reasons I'm scared of moving on, my motivation to make it through my day was based off of Him. He was my safe place, my get away, my home.
Those blue eyes brought peace to the storms stirred up by the Devil. That brown hair gave my hands a place to release stress knowing the strokes I made through His roots had the capability to calm Him. His skin was like a
battery pack for any and every inch of my body.
without it I'm slowly burning out like a candle
loosing its flame.
He lit my candle. He created my
flame. Over and over, time after time. He constantly made sure that I didn't
burn out. The funniest part about it is that He
never knew He was what kept me glowing as bright as I did. I really don't think it was ever His intentions. Either way He never had to try to make me the happiest girl on the planet. It was automatic, and without Him I truly don't know if i'll ever be that girl again.
My heart is on low battery mode, and I can't
recharge without His touch.