My Energy Source

Without You

People always ask how I haven't let go yet. I mean for the love of God, we are off and on every two weeks. That should be a sign right? Yeah I thought so too. Then last month our skin connected again.
The touch of his baby soft lips on mine recharged my mental battery. No longer was I weak in the bones or heart. I felt our connection travel through my veins, almost as if I was electrocuted. But instead of electricity, it was the feeling of our love for each other flowing throughout my body. Giving me chills.
For a second I thought I was in a different reality. Questions flying from every direction. Did this mean he still loved me? Will this fix us? Am I still the girl he sees his children jumping on in the morning saying "Momma wake up!" to?
What are we doing, I thought to myself. I thought he hated me deep down. I mean he acted like it. He didn't really seem to care anymore. After that moment hit me like a train, I felt my high natural again. I felt my heart rate start to race. I felt the joy I'd been waiting to feel all over again.
After all of those feelings being recharged and reconnected you'd think we'd be better right? Less fighting maybe? Or even better, more communication? I mean at least I believed that's how it'd go. But trust me, I soon realized I was just getting my hopes up.
Maybe I wasn't the girl he wanted after all. Could he have been using me to get over someone he loved in the past? Maybe his feelings for me were an accident. I mean love shouldn't be this difficult right? Am i crazy? I'm thinking logically aren't I? I don't know.
I feel the energy he gave me beginning to fade again. I'm so deep in love, that I'm starting to drown. It's almost as if I was stuck in the middle of the ocean, and I had one single life boat. Then one day I saw him struggling to stay above the water, so I decided to make room and share.
Soon after he got what he needed, he left and took everything I had with him. Everything including a piece of me I can't get back.