they both die at the end || ronance au

two

ROBIN BUCKLEY

12:30am

i made the decision to not leave the house no matter what. someone could murder me for some unknown reason, i could get hit by a car. so many possibilities. i could fall down the stairs and break all of my limbs if i try to leave. the list of people that will miss me and that i'll miss (if dead people can even miss living beings) is quite short. my best friend steve and my mom. steve was the only person who wouldn't make fun of me for being in band. my mom wasn't the best person but, y'know the woman gave birth to me. 

i guess the person i'll miss most is future me. who knows, maybe she went to a party. made some new friends. but now i'll never know. future me would have a longer list of people to miss. 

i lay down on the floor, thinking about how today is do and then die.

-

12:50am

i like to take hot showers when i get upset. i'm taking one right now because i feel guilty for hoping that the world, (well, some of it other than steve and mom) will miss me when i'm gone. i feel like this is what i get for not living the most of my life when i didn't get the call. now that i got it, i don't know what i should be doing. i don't think i'm going to tell anyone about this. they won't care. i'll just be another poor soul who died. i have to get out of here though. i can't just spend the rest of my day in my house, mourning myself. 

i'll have to visit my mom at her new place and talk to her. i also have to see steve and his child friend dustin. the two are so close it looks like they could be mother and son. i feel bad because i was supposed to be the one who helps steve take care of dustin. now i'm being taken away from both of them. i'll somehow manage to leave them to go live the rest of my life. 

i turn off the shower and get out, wrapping myself in my towel. the day to take an hour shower isn't today. today i need to live the most of the life i have left. i start to make my way out of the bathroom when i slip on the pool of water that had been dripping from me. am i really about to die because of how clumsy i am? i grab onto the doorknob and sigh in relief as i get up. dying this way would've been terrible. now i just need to get out of the house alive.