September 19th

***** for maximum effect, read while listening to Radiohead's "Exit Music" *****

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It was September 19th, when my life as I knew it changed forever. On this day, I found out I was enceinte, 6 weeks into the unexpected pregnancy. I was just on the edge of 16, turning 17 on October 6th. Before that day, I had everything planned out. I already knew the college I was wanting to go to, my grades were all up to the mark, and I was excited for the future.
That was the future that didn't involve a baby.
A whole other
Living
Breathing
Life form.

I wanted to go to Harvard University and graduate with a degree in Astrophysics.
That was, before the baby.
I wanted to work as a professor, teaching Astrophysics,
That was,
without a baby.

But everything changed that unusually sunny and humid day at the doctor's office.
In the bright lights and the sticky paper on the long clinic benches.
In the loud hallways, with the quiet rooms. I could hear children screaming, while getting their yearly vaccination shots, I could hear nurses chattering about their latest patients, hovering over their neatly packaged salad lunches. I could hear the fast-paced footsteps of the doctors, rushing in and out of rooms. I could hear the squeaks of wheelchair wheels. I could hear everything, except the news.
The news that showed...
I had a child growing inside of me.

The thought of abortion crossed my mind, quietly doing away with the unborn embryo, getting to keep my life, just the way it was. No unnecessary problems would occur. Nobody would even have to know.
That was, at least until I remembered that the government just recently passed the "Heartbeat Bill." The "Heartbeat Bill is a law that was placed May 19, 2021, which bans abortions, as early as 6 weeks.
Six weeks.
That's when I found out that I was pregnant.
On September 19th.
I asked my doctor, Dr. Hernandez, about the topic. I could see the look of hesitation on his face but he shook it off and he responded with "The law is the law. I wish I could help you, but I'm afraid you'll have to raise this baby. May I ask, where is the father?"
Then there was silence.
My doctor doesn't know that just a week ago my partner of 3 years broke up with me to be with another girl. The father of my baby left me for another. He doesn't know. I wanted to respond with 'He left me. I wasn't good enough for him. And I don't have the curly blonde locks of the other girl. I don't have the plump lips that she has." But I relized how stupid I sounded.

For God's sake, I'm pregnant.

I wanted to say that I wish that none of this had ever happened, that life could just go back to normal. But as soon as I opened my mouth to speak, all that came out of my mouth was
"I don't know."

It was the weekend before school started when I found out I was expecting. I was regretting going back to school, but to my surprise, nobody noticed my small baby bump. It was a secret. My baggy clothes hid it well, an untold life developing inside of me.
Nobody knew my secret. Nobody knew that in about 9 months, a child would be out into this crazy world.
Everything was fine.
Except the sixteenth week.
It was a Tuesday, and I was starting to show more obvious signs of pregnancy. I would frequently feel nausea, unusual fatigue, and mood swings, which aren't the best during 1st period algebra. I began to hear whispers in the halls when I walked by. Rumors of a "knocked up girl" at the school.
In science class, I hear Haley and Katie, gossiping in the back of the class. They start off talking about the looks of balding, middle aged lunch ladies, scandalous parent and teacher affairs, then they move onto the topic I'm dreading most. My secret.
"I'm not sure who, but Ryan told me, somebody on the football team got a girl pregnant. I think she's still here, but she might've transferred schools. At least that's what Beth told me." Katie said in a hushed tone.
I let out a deep sigh, not realizing I had been holding in my anxious breath. At first I was worried that they heard me, but after glancing around the poster-filled room, I realized that nobody had noticed.

It was the twentieth week and I was having headaches, my vision was blurry, and was vomiting all last night. I just hope it's not like this at school. I was going to head off to school right before I got a painful gust of abdominal pain. I drove to the hospital as quickly as I could, but nothing I could do could save me from the bitter words that the doctor said.
"I'm sorry to tell you this, but we think you have preeclampsia." He said in the familiar clinic.
I gasped
"It is a common health concern in young expecting mothers, usually in the twentieth week. It usually can be cured, but it can also be fatal."
It was hard to process. I already didn't fully process that I have a
Child
Growing
Inside me.
So how am I supposed to understand this?
I didn't comprehend anything after he explained that one of the consequences can be death.
The one thing I thought clearly was that I was scared of a death that could overcome me and a new child. All I could think was that if not for the Heartbeat bill, if not for September 19th, I would be different.
Completely different.
I would be living my dream career, my life,
Alive and in the moment. My heart racing over meeting new dormmates, not over an unborn child.
An unborn child that could've been prevented with one small procedure.

-One Week Later-
-Dr. Hernandez-
I was at dinner with my wife and children when I got the call.
I had never been on a shift like this one before. I thought she was going to be okay.
I thought she was going to make it.
I've had other mothers with preeclampsia come into my office, many times, and they all made it out of the door.
But not this one. Not even the baby made it. The unborn baby. The living woman, ready to live her life.
Not anymore.
Because of me. Because I wouldn't let her abort. I should have gone against the rules. I should have.
I knew something was wrong.
But I did nothing.
I stand there in the silent hospital room, staring at the corpse, I wonder,
Why?

If you are dealing with or know someone that is going through teen pregnancy please contact the Teen Pregnancy Youthline by calling 877.968.8491 or messaging teen2teen to 839863. You can also visit https://oregonyouthline.org/help-online/teen-pregnancy/ for more help or information.