It May Rain

Chapter Sixteen

JANUARY

The cold air swirls around me, so I wrap my scarf around me tighter.

There's a canal near the factory that's my little secret. I mean, it's probably not a secret, but no one else knows I sometimes come here and waste my lunch hour staring off into the distance. Today's one of those days.

Through the breakdown of my parent's marriage, I know first hand the effect that lies can have on a relationship, and through the way my ex boyfriend casually lied to me all those times he said he was at the gym, when he was actually with his new girlfriend.

I now have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to liars. Lie to me once and I've immediately lost my trust in you, lie to me more than once and I want nothing to do with you.

It's why I knew as soon as I found out my boyfriend was cheating, I knew I would leave him there and then, so I walked out on us that same day, even though he begged me for a second chance.

I've lost count of the lies Hugo has told me, even though they're minute in comparison to the ones I've experienced in the past. But with each lie he's eroded any sense of trust or respect I have for him. To him they're probably just white lies told through good intentions, nothing serious. But to me they're a sign of his true personality, showing that slipping in a lie here and there is just who he is, and the lies have changed my opinion of him completely.

If I take the job at Magnus + Son, I'll have to work with him day in and day out. I know he still has feelings for me, and as much as I try to deny it, I'm developing feelings for him too. He's got a good heart and he's shown me the type of kindness that no else has since I moved to this city. Within a few weeks I'll probably have fallen for him completely, we'll go on dates and get to know each other better, and I may even be able to learn to put up with his sarcasm. We could be happy together.

But I still won't be able to trust him.

Everytime he says or does something, I'll be second guessing if it's telling the truth or not. And what kind of a relationship is that?

I can't take the job, whether I need it or not.

Which leaves me between a rock and a hard place, halfway between unemployed and homeless.

***

I stir my coffee and reminisce about the first day I started at Sugar Rushes. I was nervous, but so eager to get stuck in and prove myself. Even though I found the work uninspiring from day one, I wanted to work hard and make a good impression.

As I stand here this Friday afternoon making my final cup of coffee, it all seems to have been for nothing. They used me, took advantage of my enthusiasm, and spat me back out.

"So, have you come to a decision yet about the job offer?"

Hugo's warm voice whispers into my ear. It's just us two in the kitchen so I don't know why he's whispering.

"Not yet. I've had a lot to process this week, you know. It still feels surreal that this is my last day," I sigh.

"Yeah I know, I can't believe you won't be here next week. I'll miss you lots," he frowns.

"Your intern contact finishes at the end of January anyway, which is literally in one week's time. I don't think you'll have enough time to miss me."

"You're right. Especially if I'll be seeing you next month over at Magnus'," he winks.

"I still haven't decided if I'll take the role yet," I mumble.

"Well look, if there's anything you need to know about it, feel free to ask away. I will personally assist you with any queries you may have," he smirks, playfully tapping my nose as he speaks. "No, but for real. If there's something you're not sure or worried about, just let me know ok?"

I force a smile and nod in agreement.

***

When Lindsay went on maternity leave there was a big fanfare and we all went for drinks down at the bar to see her off. All I got was a few cupcakes and a goodbye card signed by Greg, Jeremy and Hugo. They offered to take me for a few drinks, but I politely declined, preferring to bow out quietly.

To be honest I'm not even that upset about it. I didn't want a big leaving do anyway, and this way it'll make erasing Sugar Rushes from my memory even easier.

I managed to fit all my office belongings into a large canvas bag: one succulent plant, two notebooks, one coffee mug, one stapler, two pens, three clementines, one water flask and a pair of shoes that somehow ended up in my desk drawer.

I stare at it all tipped out onto my bed, wondering whether I'll be able to find a use for them at some point in the future.

***

"Do you have any experience bartending?"

"Yes, I have lots. I worked as a barmaid in my local village pub for four years, and at my university's student union for three years. I'm adaptable to practically any environment."

"Mmm," she muses as she scribbles something on the interview sheet. "Do you know how to make cocktails?"

"Yes. I know how to make all the popular drinks."

"Describe to me how you'd make a pina colada."

I reel off the list of ingredients and the steps to make the drink, and she seems to look impressed.

"When can you start?"

"As soon as you need me."

***

I've just completed my first bartending shift since forever, and my feet are killing me. I've forgotten how much of a toll standing up for ten hours straight can have on your feet. I've gotten too comfortable sitting in an office chair, it's probably a blessing that this career change has forced me to get a more active job.

As soon as I open my bedroom door I'm greeted to the sound of my snoring roommate. I've never shared a room with someone before and I'm still getting used to the idea, but the insanely cheap rent it results in is not something I can complain about. I'm paying half the amount I used to for my spacious old room back in my previous house share, but now I'm living closer to central London where all my bar shifts are. For that, I'm willing to put up with a snoring roommate.

This is not how I envisaged my twenties would go, but it is what it is. That last week at Sugar Rushes I cried every night, wondering how I managed to end up in that situation, and telling myself I had to take the job at Magnus + Son whether I liked it or not, because I didn't have any other options.

But it turns out I did not need to take it, because I did have other options.

My first instinct was to move back home, try and work things out with my mum and if all else fails, find a cheap place to live in my hometown. But I know it would take a miracle for my mum to forgive me, and even if I were to find some menial job in my hometown and get my own place, it would be like taking a step backwards. I've been there, done that, and now I live in London. None of my friends even live there anymore because we're all scattered throughout the country after graduating.

Moving in with my dad wasn't an option either since he lives in hotels nowadays whilst he travels the world ticking off things from his bucket list. He's living his best life and having the kind of adventures he's been dreaming about for years. And then there's my older brother who lives in New York, but that seemed a long way to go in search of a bed to sleep in.

I've always been one to run away from my problems and start afresh, so once I stopped wallowing in sadness, it became clear to me that I needed to find a way to make my own way out of this mess.

In the end, I borrowed some money from my dad, scraped together everything that was left from my last paycheck and took the plunge by moving to central London. Everything's so much more expensive, I'm earning less, and I'm spending so much money on travel these days getting to and from bar shifts, but I'm surviving.

Life's not great at the moment, but it's not as bad as it could have been if I'd taken Hugo's job. I've saved myself a load of heartache, and I'm so busy these days that I barely have any time to sit around and reflect on everything.

What I do know is, it's better to be alone than to be heartbroken.