It May Rain

Chapter Twenty Four

The office is empty, bar the room full of people that sit before me. It's empty because Hugo is not in it.

Even though I had reservations about coming into work after the events of last night, I came to the conclusion that it's the best place to see Hugo. He's not returning my calls or messages, even though I know he spends a lot of time on his phone, so he's avoiding me.

He's hurting and it's all my fault.

Hugo hasn't been in all morning, and no one knows where he is. I've asked around and everyone's under the impression he has some out of town meeting, but I've seen his calendar and I know he does not.

I've almost given up hope of finding out where he could be, when I see a flash of blonde hair walking through the corridor. Konrad is the last person I want to talk to, but he'll surely know where Hugo is, and how he's doing after our argument last night.

I jump up from my desk and scurry down the corridor in pursuit.

"Konrad, have you spoken to Hugo today?"

He stops in his tracks and turns towards me, his lips pursed.

"I have."

"Do you know where he is?"

"I do."

"Then where is he?"

"You should ask him that."

"I have! But he's not replying to any of my messages, or answering any of my calls."

He swipes his tongue over teeth and a look of contemplation crosses his face.

"Fine, if you're not going to tell me, I'm going to go around to his mum's house and I'll make him talk to me. He can't avoid me forever."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"You can't stop me."

He narrows his eyes at me, then lets out a slow sigh. "I shouldn't tell you this, but I will do purely so you don't overstep. Last night Hugo's father was involved in a car accident. He is in the hospital in a critical condition, the doctor's are not sure if he will make it. Hugo and his younger sister are now on their way to see him."

"They're going all the way to New Zealand?"

"Yes. Their flight left early this morning. I saw them off."

"I can't believe it," I gasp.

"I do not think you should tell him I told you this. He was not in a good way last night. He is upset with you, and he is upset with me. He asked me to keep my distance from you, so if he knew we were talking right now I do not think he would take it very well. Do you understand me?"

I nod submissively, accepting he knows Hugo way better than I do.

"About last night, I'm really sorry-"

He holds a hand up to silence me.

"I do not want to talk about it. Have a good day, Mae."

***

I've never really been one for self-loathing. Bad stuff happens in life, but not everything that happens is your fault.

When my mum disowned me, I knew deep down it wasn't my fault. She's always had a heart of stone that's been incapable of expressing love, and the slightest things can trigger an outpouring of vile comments. So when she blamed me for the end of her marriage and she said she would never forgive me, her only daughter, it was more of a reflection of the kind of person she is rather than a result of my actions.

However the self-loathing I've been wallowing in this past week has been an entirely new experience for me. I hate cheaters and now I am one, and I fully deserve all the self-loathing I'm feeling, because I caused the end of the best relationship that's ever happened to me.

You really do miss something more when it's not there anymore.

Hugo's absence has been by my side every waking moment. When I get up, there's no longer a text message wishing me a good morning, he's no longer following me to the office kitchen to hang off my every word, he's no longer there to explain pointless trivia to me on a daily basis, or dragging me out to some new place after work that I say I don't want to go to but I'll go just to spend time with him.

It's a different kind of heartache than I experienced with my last boyfriend. With him I knew subconsciously our relationship was on the rocks when we started to spend less time with each other, so the inevitable breakup felt like being set free. I was gutted and I cried my eyes out, but I knew better things would be coming my way. I'd find someone better who was worth my time.

And Hugo was that better person. I didn't know it when I first met him, I thought he was just someone I could use for a one night stand and that's it, but slowly but surely I began to see glimpses of the real him beneath his geek chic exterior. Admittedly, there was a fair bit of him wearing me down, but I never would have gone chasing him at the start, so I'm glad he was annoyingly persistent. It's why we're perfect together, because we're so different.

To switch things up, I've been sending him good morning texts everyday. He'll be receiving them in the evening if he's still in New Zealand, but I don't want him to think I know where he is so I'll keep sending them at that time. He's got enough on his plate without entertaining the thought of me and Konrad getting cosy and discussing his personal business.

I do wonder how things would have panned out had Hugo stayed in London. If he had come into the office the day after our fight, I would have forced him to listen to me, to make him see that the kiss meant absolutely nothing to me, I'd have done anything to prove my loyalty to him. I would have been the one wearing him down persistently. And then we would have made up, moved into our new flat, and lived happily ever after.

But now he wants nothing to do with me. My messages to him aren't even showing up as read, and everytime I try to call him it says the number is unavailable. A thought keeps creeping up from the back of my mind that I have to try really hard to repress; has he blocked me because he sees our relationship as over? The Hugo I know would not give up on us so easily. It's killing me that I hurt him so bad he can't even bring himself to acknowledge me.

What Konrad said has also been playing on my mind. Why did Hugo feel the need to ask him to keep his distance? Does he not trust me anymore, thinking that I'm going to throw myself on Konrad at the next available opportunity? I just wish I could talk to him to set his mind at ease, to tell him he has nothing to worry about.

I would never even think about kissing Konrad again and I don't even feel attracted to him anymore - how could I after all that's gone on? His stupidly good-looking face just fills me with dread everytime I see it in the office. And now I'm no longer seeing him with rose-tinted glasses, I see how he's half the man that Hugo is. Konrad is self-centred, ruthless when it comes to business, and he's way less approachable than Hugo, whereas Hugo is kind and genuinely cares about helping those around him.

I hate the thought that I'm stuck here in London with Konrad, when the man I really want to be with is on the other side of the world.