I had my classes all in the same classroom for a long period of time. When I didn't like my crush then, (not saying his name) he was sat next to me, and he was sat next to me from February to July — When it was end of the year. I don't even remember how I began feeling this way about the boy, I just remembered liking him from mid February, to... still now. I had crazy feelings over him after a month or so. We still sat next to each other. We were talkative, got along well, maybe a bit flirty as well...
We had eye contact too from time to time, I saw him pretty much everyday except for weekends. I loved him so much, I began feeling a bit psychopathic. All of a sudden began making poems and songs for him, which I obviously didn't show or tell him, my feelings got out of control maybe after a month and a bit.
As tests were coming up soon, I had to switch places for the week, so did my crush. He was sat next to my best friend, both reading books as we were asked too. The teacher was preparing tests outside of the classroom, in the corridor. So, out of nowhere, I heard my friend shout at me,
"my_name, He said he likes you!"
No one knew about my crush. Not even any family member or friend. I physically remember my palms immediately sweating, my face and cheeks getting really hot, butterfly's in my stomach were rattling at the sentence.
In utter panic, my crush smacked his book onto the table, and shouted across the room that he didn't. It felt as if he was panicking and freaking out about what my best friend said... Like he almost did like me.
"...Are you blushing?!" My bff shouted, jaw dropped.
I made the only excuse which came to my head, "No, it's just really hot in here."
"I promise I didn't say that why would I" my crush smirked.
A bit disappointed about his words, I sighed an okay.
There was another time, however, quite a long journey ahead. We had a special Star Wars day on May 4th, to celebrate the film. Our class had a nice picnic lunch outside, where I was sat with my friend group. My crush obviously wasn't on the same blanket, but we were facing each other, me and him as we were sat beside each other. We could not stop making eye contact, again. It was awkward, the eye contact. Because as I was eating my tuna baguette, I looked over to him to see what he was doing, and I just saw him dreamily staring into my eyes... He immediately snapped out of it then, and got back to his conversation. I was pretty shocked, that would've been embarrassing. However, might've also been embarrassing for me as he just saw me look at him all of a sudden.
I was falling for him so so hard, like mentioned in one of my poems, it was like I was falling down a deep, endless tunnel of struggle and pain.
Here is a poem I wrote, a while ago about him and a girl who began bonding more than I did with him, and where everything good went downhill. He began paying more attention to her, talking to her and flirting with her, ignoring me. It's called M and E. His name begins with M, and hers with E.
He pays too much attention to his work than me,
Sitting just next to him, something will spark, I guarantee,
Then he turns over to the girl behind him,
Everybody says it's M and E.
Whenever we are paired to do a task,
He sighs in disappointment, I sigh in happiness,
"Ever fell in love?" I'm willing to ask,
His expressions screamed out sloppiness.
Even when he laughs at my jokes,
And sometimes when the conversation goes on,
My friends notice and begin to evoke,
I'm too afraid to admit the boy who takes the throne,
But he's just sat next to me, getting on with his work.
Not a good drawer, nor a great writer,
I awkwardly blush when he performs his guitar,
"Ever played a romance song?" I'm thinking in my head,
If he found out about this, I'm sure to be dead.
Everybody knows though it's M and E,
He says no, and so does she.
But what I think inside my head is that,
It should really be M and C.
And that was my first poem about him. By the way, my real name begins with C.
Then, it was my two week Easter holiday. I minded E and M for a while, and began watching 'How to attract your crush' TikTok's after school, and sometimes also during break and lunch on my phone. It was hard to play hard, but I had to back off not to make it obvious. I had to keep my feelings in as well, which was tricky.
Now that it was my two week holiday, I had the flu. So, as I was sat in my bed for most of the couple days, I started listening to subliminals. Subliminals are videos on YouTube where the creators put speeded up, quiet affirmations about whatever the subliminal is about (could be about a crush liking you back, face and body structure or feature, getting rich or desired job, the list goes on forever) over a song, or sound like rain or white noise. Apparently if you read affirmations or benefits the creator pinned in the comment section or put in description, believe and stay positive about what you desire, then it'll work and you will get what the subliminal title says. There is a further definition to a subliminal, but it's quite hard to explain. However, I was listening to a 'Crush being obsessed with you' subliminal along with another subliminal, 'Crush confesses they like you and asks you out.'
I listened to each one 3 times a day, and one subliminal one night, and the other the next night. After three days, I felt ok again. I went outside into my back garden once as the sun was shining, and I sat on a deck chair, just thinking about my crush, and how everything felt so much more prettier and vivid as I was thinking. God... you do not know how much I missed him over a few days, it was horrible. It felt like literally every five minutes he popped up randomly in my mind, and stayed in my mind for around 10 minutes every time. I was actually going insane, I could feel it in my bones. I had butterflies in my stomach every minute of every day, and I didn't even know why.
I missed him. I cried each night for him. I asked the Universe for him to be mine, and only mine. I felt empty, like I was nothing without him. I was upset every evening, like I cried myself to sleep. Two weeks... and I felt so terrible. Imagine the summer holidays? I am writing this story a week from the summer holiday, I'm scared for the moment it is. I'm going to miss him too much.
YOU ARE READING
My Story - High school crush.
Non-Fiction*~.It was a hard time.~* 'You weren't evil, you just had a hard time coping with the pain.' 'You had to do what got you through. And if the hard times were to be gotten through, I can't blame you.' 'You aren't alone. You'll never be alone in what yo...
