Fractured

Chapter 17

Trigger Warning

I feel someone slapping me awake but I don't get the strength to lift myself. The bed shifts which makes me assume Rowan came back to lie down with me. He wraps his arm around my stomach and pulls me into his chest hard. I feel an emotion enter me that I haven't felt in a long time. Fear. And it hits hard. Fear is not something so easy to overcome. Fear can grab you in all the hard places to reach. It's something so traumatizing it paralyzes you and forces your body in all sorts of emotions. Shock, Pain, Confusion, and Etc. Fear can be caused and stopped by anything or anyone.

My breath feels like it's last lying here with him. I take painful slow breaths because somehow I know deep down I don't deserve this. But it hurts so bad making me feel like the one in the wrong, as if I'm the fucked up one.

Having a fucked up past or life doesn't define you or make you fucked up. I've heard that God gives the hardest stuff to deal with to his greatest and strongest soldiers. But why would he give it to them to begin with? I don't think I'm strong in any way. My choices and opinions make me feel like a coward everyday, cowering in my shadows. Thoughts like mine make you feel like the lowest of the low but that's just how I am.

Pessimistic and negative. That's just me.

I get ripped away from my thoughts when Rowan turns me around. I feel my chin tremble from his touch. I start letting a few tears out whimpering when his fingers dig themselves in my chin.

"Why are you crying baby? Did I hurt you? Sorry that was just something I really intended to do." he says softly. I try to shake myself out of his grasp but he doesn't let go, just holds me tighter.

"Listen just because I toughened up with you and showed you how I'm like doesn't mean you get to be a moody bitch. I thought you liked the rough shit. Did you know out of all the billions of girls there are in the world I'm so glad I picked you. Or out of all the weak bitches in the world I picked your weak pathetic ass." he says roughly this time.

I look into his eyes and ask him "Did you ever even love me or were you lying because you're a psychotic piece of shit!" I sneer at his face. His face twists in anger and he grabs me by the throat and all my courage goes out the window. "Speak to me with respect, you little shit. You're two years younger than me, where are your manners? Did your mommy not teach you respect while beating the shit of you like she should? And second of all I do love you. How are you supposed to know what love is anyways? It's not like you ever had it." he spits in my face.

Suddenly he stands up and drags me along with him. He takes me to the bathroom and locks the door as he grins at me. "I think it's time you should take a bath. But since you're so dirty and well I'm so desperate to see you clean as soon as possible so let's just give you one with your clothes on.". He shoves me onto the toilet, focusing on the tub letting the water flow. He lifts me up and forces me to face the mirror. I see him staring at me from behind as I wash my hands.

I start brushing my teeth looking back into the mirror seeing that he's staring at me intently with curiosity in his eyes. He has amusement written all over his face leaving me stressed. My body shudders feeling his hands linger around my arm when he randomly decides to lift his arm and punch his hand into the mirror. I let out a scream as all the mirror pieces shatter and scratch my skin.

My whole body stills as he lifts me onto him then drops me into the tub making me hiss because of all the wounds being touched by the warm water. He looks over at me smiling. "I have a brilliant idea on how to wash your face without being gentle.". My eyes widen not aware of the torture going to happen next. He takes off his clothes sitting in the tub himself.

We sat in silence for a while. That silence leaves me to ponder in my thoughts. What if I told Emily and Emma and Darren? What if I told Quinton? What if I told the cops? What if I run away would he ever let me go?

"What if I don't want to be with you anymore? What if I wanna break up?" I blurt out. His head tilts to the side as he grips the side of the tub, his face shockingly calm. "You think anyone would want you? No one wants to deal with your baggage, your shit. You're a mess baby and it's only going to be me whoever loves you and feels this," he pauses, gripping my hips and resting me on top of him. I feel nauseous knowing how before I would've loved doing intimate stuff with him and now it makes me want to kill myself.

"And you are never leaving me, we belong together. We're soulmates, and you're mine. I'll never let you go. You can go off grid and I'll find your ass." he continues.

Somehow I get the courage to slap him across the face. I move back away from him to the other side. "How dare you touch me like that? You lost the right to touch me or even look at me.".

His face stops the bullshit with the collected calm and turns into anger. "I tried to be nice but you're just being a lot to work with." he grabs my head and shoves me under water. I struggle lifting myself up. I try to draw in my breaths as bubbles form around me, drowning me. He lifts my head from the water letting me catch my breath for five seconds before shoving me back under.

I scream, suffocating. My face is wet with tears and water all over me and in me. I wonder if this is how I'm going to die. Drowned by the psycho who claims to love her and is her boyfriend. The moment he lifts me up again he takes me out of the water. From that moment too much water went in my lungs making me black out.

A/N: Guys truth be told everything written in italics are all my thoughts. That's how I feel and question things so yeah. Tbh if this wasn't my book and I was reading this as like a actual hand book I would annotate that shit because I love annotating but I annotate in my annotating books because I hate the idea of writing in books and tabbing them it drives me crazy. Ugh there's my rambling again. Would you annotate that or is it bad or meh? We're halfway there. ily guys sfm. Stay safe. If you have any questions ask here.