Ankh

Loud silence

'We don't know how much time you have... according to CT scan results..'

sounded corny that almost made me laugh out loud. The intern must've been watching 'Grey's anatomy.'

All a sudden, the world was mute to my ears.

The silence was so loud that I could not ignore it or shut it out. The hospital where I had my emergency scan was a new one for me. I ended up taking a few wrong turns almost got myself killed on the highway. Life seems has never failed to throw a curveball at you whenever you expect the least. New hospital, new doctors, new medical equipments, newborn baby... News to be diagnosed with terminal cancer. My brain had a hard time to process all the information and shocks so I had to sit in the car for about twenty minutes before I was able to drive.

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Hi our dear family and friends:

Thank you all for being side by side with us through this devastation. Your kind words, prayers, advices, helps in search for caregivers, housekeepers and doctors were all converted into our strength in order to lift our step and keep moving forward.

From time to time we found ourselves lost in endless fears and rages. They were like cancer cells quietly rotting our organs away to a point where nothing else we could do but surrender.

Today is the day I will never forget:

after stumbling ourselves a long process of waiting, we finally got an official diagnosis from the biopsy results. What's inside of my body was originated from my ovaries. It then spread to my peritoneal tissues, livers and some lymph nodes in my lungs. A treatment plan was set: three sessions chemos+surgery+three sessions chemos.

Was my body repairable?

Even at this moment while I'm typing, it sort of feels like a dream to me still. Especially the contrast with a new born only 7 months ago and a living life started falling apart.

Life is precious... enjoy every bits of it!