Donuts for Dinner

The Letter

The rest of the day, I only had her face playing in my mind. What did she want? Why now? I pulled up into my house, millions of questions running through my head, I turned on my computer and checked through the new employment registration. M..M..M where was it? Then I stopped...there it was MALCOM, Audrey. That's the right name alright. I opened up her folder and found the address. I leaned back and read through her file. Her date of birth was 3 years after we left dad. Wow, he worked fast... I continued scanning the document. Her resume was impressive  and so were her accolades. I pulled out my phone to call Ben while checking the time. 1pm... he must still be at work. Better not disturb him till I knew more. I decided it was time to face her and ask all the questions I needed answers to. Most importantly, I took a swig of whiskey, I needed to face him. Psyching myself up, I got into my car and drove to the address. It was a small house with a small yard. It looked just like our home when mum was still alive. The only difference was that this house had a fence around it and a beautiful garden in one corner. There was a bird feeder in the middle of the garden. This drove me into a reverie. 

'BACK TO THE HOUSE!' mum shouted pointing to the front door as the rain came pouring down. We ran in laughing and fell on the floor cracking up. Mum scoped us in her arms and kissed us on our foreheads. 

We'd been outside playing with our water guns chasing mum around the yard. It was one of my favourite memories that happened the summer before she died. I sat in the car and just stared at the bird feeder, memories of the past rushing into my head. I could hear mum's musical laugh like it was just yesterday. I could see flashes of her smile and that twinkle in her eye when she was encouring us to do something cheeky. I breathe in deeply.  What am I doing here? Why did I come? What if she saw me?

Knock knock

Reality knocked me out of my reverie. Audrey stood there at my door with a smile on her face and a slight wave. She gestured to come in. I don't know why and how but something made me not fight it or drive off, I just got out of the car and followed her quietly. She let me into the house. Here is where everything was very different from our old home. There was a beautiful antique table by the door where she chucked her keys. On the right was the living room with a floral print sofa and a tv mounted on top of the fireplace. I followed her down the hall into the dining room. 

"Have a seat"

I sat at her dining table, the inside of the house looked similar but it was a little nicer. She gestured to a bottle of wine and a bottle of whiskey. I nodded to the whiskey. She poured us a glass each, set mine in front of me and we sat in silence for a bit. The silence fueled the nerves that had earlier been subdued by memories. 

"Well? Where is he then? What does he want? My happiness? My money? Everything I worked so hard to build? Where is he?" I stared straight at her, making sure to keep a poker face on.

"No, no... he's not here."

" So it's just you? What is it you want from me? Money?"

"No, I don't want anything from you"

"Are you sure? All everyone ever wants is money." I whipped out my check book and turned to her. "How much will it take to make you go away?"

"Please...I don't want your money. I just wanted to meet you."

"Why?" I asked. Looking up from my checkbook with narrowed eyes. 

She pointed to a framed picture on her wall. It was dad, her and some woman in the park. They looked happy. Dad didn't look at all like himself. He looked happy and vibrant and full of life with kindness in his eyes. The woman next to him was pretty but she looked a little sickly. In between them was Audrey looking like she won the world smushed in a hug from her parents. I looked at dad again. I didn't know this man. The man I knew was not this man. The man I knew was miserable, sad and never had time to play in the park with us, let alone hug us.  Here he was happily posing for the picture with her and some woman and donuts in their hands. I felt a tight clench in my heart. This was the father we wanted. This was the man we needed. 

"He's gone you know. Died two years ago."

Silence

I didn't know what to say. Did I feel happy about this or was I mourning?

"You know he never forgot you and your brother. He always talked about you."
I continued to sit there and stare at the picture.

"He said you guys loved to eat donuts before your mum died so he kept buying them for you to help cheer you up." I could feel her looking at me but I couldn't take my eyes off that man in the picture.

"He followed your career. He always said he should have been better, spent time with you more and looked after you better."

"Hrmph ya" I grunted, my heart feeling tighter. "If he had, I wouldn't be the person I am today so thank goodness he didn't"
"You're right" She paused and looked at the picture. I stared at her. My heart dropped. I don't know why but this piece of information moved me. I wanted to ask her more, I wanted to know if he was the same to her but that picture told me everything I needed to know. He at least treated her better than he treated us.

After a while she got up and walked to a drawer. She pulled out a sealed envelope and handed it to me. It was addressed to me and it had his handwriting. I hesitated to receive it but took it.

"It doesn't make up for years of regret but maybe it's a start."
"Maybe" I took a deep breath, finished my whiskey and turned to her. "Whatever said and done, you're my sister. Let's make this a fresh start, I'm sure Ben would love to meet you."

She smiled and thanked me. I hugged her and left. When I got home, I opened the letter. It was a letter from him apologizing for everything, explaining how much he loved us and how much he loved our mum. At the end he said

I'm sorry for everything and I know I cannot fix things but I hope you, Audrey and Ben might meet for donuts someday soon and have one together in my memory. I love you three very much.
-Dad