Love or hate?

From the start

I remember the day i first laid eyes on him. The school hallway.

I was walking from english to science when i saw him, and what i saw did not disappoint.

Dirty blonde hair, glistening blue eyes and a smile that made the birds sing.

Of course he didn't see me, at least not a first. I had no idea who this man was, he was handsome... no, stunning.

He could have made me get on my knees in that moment if he only just asked.

Thats the lust i felt. Sexual. Only focusing on the way he looked.

The first time we talked was when i accidentally bumped into him, i was rushing because i was late. He didn't have a care in the world. He smiled at me and said 'sorry', he walked away after.

I walked into maths in a brighter mood. He spoke to me. This was my obsession.

I didn't even know his name, yet i looked out for him in the crowded halls. If i saw someone with a similar bag i would beam with excitement. Only for them to turn around and it not be him.

The first time we hung out was... interesting. Sat on the roundabout on the park across the road. Me and him we're talking, i can still remember the topic of conversation. He was telling me about his rings, i was telling him about mine. He let me try his on, and he tried mine on.

Of course mine were too small and his were too big. But we were still smiling like idiots.

One problem we had, my boyfriend.

Class A dickhead. Weed head. A sexual assaulter.

My boyfriend at the time was friends with my love.

You may think it's strange, having a huge crush on my boyfriends mates.

However, i denied my feelings. No-one know the extent of what he did to me. They think he unbuttoned my jeans when i said no. Which is true in a way.

There was much more.

When I finally broke up with the piece of shit, i had my heart in my hands and head between my knees. One hand carried the vodka while to other held the cigarette.

I went downhill, and no one noticed, maybe it was for the best.

When i started seeing more of him, after school he would walk home with me. Stop me in the halls for a hug. Hugs that would sometimes last a bit too long.

My friends never liked him, they would tell me that he was a bad boyfriend. I didn't want him as a boyfriend. I just wanted him to be mine.

Attachment.

He was the only person to make me smile on the days i just wanted to scream. When i realised i wanted him, and only him.

He got a girlfriend.