Vacation

Nightmares

Even though it was terrifying, Bridgett had convinced me to look out the window. A single glance made me want to slam the cover down and never even think about opening it again.

But for Bridget's sake, I kept looking out the small window with a disgusted expression.

"You don't have to keep looking, Athena." Brandon whispers.

"I know, but I can't look away." I whisper back. All I see below is the blue of the ocean.

I hear Brandon's chuckling and look over, questioning him silently. "What?" He asks. "Why are you laughing at me?" I ask, trying not to crack a smile to match his. "Because the way you deal with things."

"What," I feel my brows knit in confusion, "what do you mean?"

"Like earlier, when we first got on the plane, you had a panic attack and kinda flipped out. But then just now, with the window thing, you just looked a little panicked, but nothing happened. Does the amount of time you have to pine over something have to do with how much you panic? Or does it have to do with-" he keeps talking. I tune him out and just think to myself.

'Oh how you're wrong. So very, very wrong.' I think, drowning out the brunette next to me. 'My panic attacks seem to calm when you're around. My thoughts are able to be more clear, and I can get through things easier. Earlier on the plane was different because I had never done it and I've been terrified of planes as long as I can remember. I've been nervous about heights for a while, but not scared. It isn't a fear. I was able to look without panicking because you were there. Watching. Making sure I was okay. I felt your cautious gaze on my back as I looked, and it made me feel so much better.'

"-because that would totally make sense." I hear Brandon stop talking, looking to me for an answer. He may be dumb sometimes, but once he gets to thinking, Brandon thinks until all the possibilities have been thought of.

"It just depends on how much I fear something." I say instead of the 'It's you' speech I thought of earlier.

"Oh why didn't I think of that?" He asks, surprising himself. I shrug, and lean back, letting my head hit the back of the seat. I feel myself getting drowsy, falling asleep to Brandon's soft muttering about my panic attacks. I yawn once, before falling into a dreamless sleep.

...

I pull my eyes open, disoriented for a couple of seconds. I feel a warmth across the right side of my body.

... Why is there warmth across the right side of my body?

I sit up slowly, not noticing the head that was resting against mine until it opened it's mouth and yawned. Who?

I turn once I've fully sat up and widen my eyes. I realize what had happened. I fell onto Brandon's shoulder and Brandon was probably asleep too and just leaned over onto me in his sleep.

Brandon, still half asleep, mumbles, "no," and practically pulls my head back to it's spot on his shoulder. I gasp quietly, but I don't protest.

Brandon's the guy I wake up thinking about. He's the one I've been in love with since our freshman year of highschool. He's the clueless idiot who can't see it. And he's also the one who's 'practically with someone'. Her dad doesn't approve of Brandon, so they're waiting until he either accepts, or she moves out and her dad won't get a say. I kinda wish he would just get over her. Honestly.

Not to mention, he's said more than once that he likes skinny blondes. First off, I'm nowhere near skinny. I wouldn't say I'm fat, but I am 5'7, pretty tall for a woman, and the boobs that I was oh so graciously gifted get in the way of everything. My figure's still okay though. Nice little pear shape, with my thighs being thick and all. Nowhere near the perfect hourglass figure of Bridgett. Second, I'm not blond. I'm very much dark haired. He'll have to just learn to deal with that. I won't ever dye my hair simply because I thought it might get me the man if my dreams.

I find myself falling back into a fitful nap. I kept jerking awake with nightmares.

"Athena?" My name. The 'a' at the end of the name being drawn out in an echo. A female voice. My sister's voice. I look around in the dark for her. She's been gone over three years now but I can't help but try to find her. "Athena, it was you." Her voice turning menacing. "You are the reason I'm dead." I look at her. "No I'm not. It was a drunk driver. I-" "Yeah, but who was I picking up that night? For fucking volleyball practice?" She growls, her voice distorted. "M-me... But I didn't hit you with that car, Hera! That wasn't me!" I cry, falling to my knees. "But you blame yourself. If you didn't, you wouldn't be thinking of me. Every waking moment. Every time you see a picture of me at moms. Every time you pass a Waffle House. You think of me everywhere, Athena. You deserve to blame you. Because it was you." I finally, finally catch a glimpse of Hera in the darkness. Just a bloody, tattered version of my once beautiful sister.

I jerk awake, my head hitting Brandon's jaw, making his teeth rattle. "Oh, son of a-" He catches himself. He usually does.

I feel tears falling from my eyes. I wipe them away, expecting them to stop, but they don't. There's no sobbing involved, just the tears.

"Hhng," I grumble, rubbing my eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Brandon asks, rubbing his jaw with one hand, while touching my shoulder with his free one.

"B-bad dream is all." I mumble out, doubting he understood me. Apparently he did though, because he pulled me into a hug.

Well, about as good of a hug you're gonna get sitting in a plane seat.

"Attention passengers, please fasten you seatbelts, we are about to land," the pilot announces over the intercom.

Brandon releases me, and buckles up, while I do the same. I take a deep breath, and clench the armrests for support. "You good?" The brunette next to me asks calmly.

"Yup. Peachy." I reply, still feeling the tears fall down my face.

"You look constipated." He says, catching me off gaurd and making me laugh. The tears completely forgotten, I giggle for a good three minutes, and by the time I was done, I wasn't scared to land anymore.

...

The pilot instructed us to file off the plane, and so we did. It was barely five in the morning where we were in Fiji. I grip Bridget's arm as soon as it's in reach, and we head to the baggage claim.

I find my two suitcases side by side, the others near by, and so we grab them and head out of the airport. Considering the time, I was surprised at the amount of traffic there was. We decided to walk, and since all of our luggage had wheels, we just rolled it down the sidewalk next to us. We looked like a bunch of idiots, but it was too early, and we were too tired to care.

Finally, we reach the beach house. It was only about a mile from the airport, but it felt like years. We all claimed our rooms, and passed out on the beds without another thought.

AN: It's 3:48 in the morning, and I haven't slept. I never get sleep anyways, but I've been moving the last couple of days so my body is more tired than my mind. I really wanted to show WHY Athena struggles with depression. Her anxiety is just part of her, but the guilt of her sisters death weighs her down and has caused her to fall into a deep depression. It's gotten better, but obviously she still feels the pain. I don't really know if that was made clear or not. As.i said, I'm tired. Speaking of I'm going to sleep. Gn. Or gm. Whatever time it is when this is actually posted.