Tammy - If Only

02

Ty

'Amy' I called out to her with what frailty I had left in my voice.

'Ty. Ty you're awake. Oh my goodness!' She ran to me and grabbed my hand, kissing it all over, a look of happiness and relief washing over her face.

'Amy, I'm so sorry' I said to her, tears welling up in my eyes.

'What are you sorry about? You're awake, that's all that matters right?' she questioned pleadingly.

'I know what the doctors have been saying. I know what this has been putting you through. I know what this is doing to our little family, and the rest of it for that matter. You know, I can hear everything in my coma and I know I'm not doing any good to anyone.' I said, almost crying.

Amy didn't know what to say, she just continued to look at me pleadingly, until she said 'You know what I said to Lou when she asked how I was earlier today, I said that I was as good as someone can be when they are so scared of losing the one person they love the most. And while yes I was scared, I also told her that you gave me so much love, that no matter what, it would last me a lifetime, but that I couldn't bear the thought of losing you. You may be putting me and the rest of the family through a lot more than you have in the past but no matter what, people will always worry, you can't help that. I mean, you know Lou, she always worries, even when she doesn't need to...'

In that moment I felt a little laugh come from both of us, breaking through the tears we were sharing with one another. It felt good to break from a coma to find her sitting by my side comforting me and yet all the things I had heard while in comatose kept invading my mind.

'I promise you, that even though you say you know what you are putting us through, and you may, when you get better, everything will go back to normal' she continued to comfort me.

'Amy, I love you, you know that, but as I said before, I know what the doctors have been saying. I don't know what they are telling you, but when I came in and went into my coma, however long ago that was, I heard them say that the disease I have, I think they call it Emphysema cannot be cured but that early diagnosis and treatment are important to slow the progression of symptoms and reduce the risk of flare-ups, and I missed that opportunity. The only thing they can do now is use inhaled medication to reduce any more flare-ups and again reduce the symptoms' I explained to her.

'But that doctor told me that it could be cured. Why would she lie to me? She even told Grandpa!' I saw the tears in her eyes flood back once again.

'Well, I may have also overheard them say that they weren't sure how to break it to you all yet, so they were just going to keep it on the downlow for now until they knew more once I woke up. Please don't do anything rash against the doctors, or tell your dad for that matter, they will let you know what's going on once they know more' I replied.

'Ok,' I could see that she was hurting and didn't know what to do with all the information I had just given to her.

After about a minute of silence I said to her 'I know I probably shouldn't have told you all that, but thank you for what you told me. By the sounds of it, I'm guessing you know that I love you so much' I said, beginning to become weak and tired already. I managed to lift the arm that still had her hand attached to it and hold it up against my chest.

'I do,' she half laughed, 'and I love you too.'

Suddenly, I felt a pain in my lungs, like I couldn't breathe and the monitor that was measuring my heartbeat bgen to fasten. Amy let go of my hand and ran to find the doctor, feeling guilty that she hadn't gotten her the second I had woken up.

I have no idea what went down in that hospital room, even though I was the patient in it, but after having been shocked twice to keep me breathing and then given a mild sedative to put me to sleep, I was definitely out of it.

— — —

After a while Amy came back in and sat down by my bed, taking my hand again. We sat in silence for ages, particularly because I was out of it, but also because I could feel her grip tighten the more she cried and to be honest I did the same thing when she was in hospital after the previous accident when she had gotten kicked by a horse a while back, and I can say that sometimes it's good to expel the emotions.

As the sedative began to wear off I found myself apologising again. 'I need you to listen to this' I told her when she begged me to stop saying sorry. 'I'm sorry that I got kinda mad earlier about putting everyone through so much and spilling information that the doctors weren't ready to tell you, that wasn't fair. I'm also sorry if I don't get better because I don't want you to have to live without me either, or Lyndy for that matter. But for as long as I am living, in sickness and in health, I will continue to add to that lifetime of love I've given you, no matter what. I promise.'

She kept staring at my hand as the grip between hers and mine began to tighten even more. Her tears began to slow, and then she looked up at me and said 'You better promise, because I don't know what I'm gonna do without you.'

Hey people, sorry this chapter was a little shorter than the last! Hope you continue to enjoy!

Feel free to add comments or constructive criticism here -->

AWWW THE BEAUTIFUL WORDS THEY ARE SHARING WITH EACH OTHER, I FEEL LONELY WRITING THIS. IF ONLY LOVE WAS LIKE THIS IN REAL LIFE!