ghost of you [yeonbin]

farewell

"I don't want to let you go. Why would you not let me follow you?" Yeonjun lift up his head and there he was, with tears continuesly flowing on his cute little cheekies. He looks so adorable but I can't help but to feel sad when he ask such thing.

"Flower, baby I can't let you follow me. Your time hasn't come yet." I hold his face and start caressing his soft, fluffy skin.

"It's not fair, why would you go first? Why didn't we go together? Why... why would you save me that night?" He bawled into my arms and gripped so hard onto my shirt. I hugged him tightly as my tears starts to flow again.

Even though my heart was aching like crazy on the inside I still want to make him smile for one last time.

"That day, we went to the amusement park together after so long, we tried every ride and we laughed all the time as if we never have problems in our life. We even went to the beach to watch the sunset together... our last sunset together while walking along the beach holding hands tightly." I slowly play with his hair to distract him a bit so that he can calm down.

"I was so happy that time until I said to myself, even if I die today, I will die with no regrets since I've spent my whole day with the person I love the most." I kissed the top of his head and softly rest my cheek on it.

"That night... I will never regret saving you from that drunk driver. When I saw you still breathing infront of me, all of those pain just vanished but I still know that my time has come so I told you that one thing for the last time. Do you remember?" I lift up his head so that I can see his beautiful brown orbs, I want to look at his face for as long as I can.

He nodded his head but I know that he won't say it. He would just instantly cried again.

"I said 'I love you my beautiful flower'," I took his hand and kissed the top of it. "and I'll wait for you either in the afterlife or in my next life."

"So that's why my sweetheart, you should stay strong and live for me hmm. Take a good care of Junsoo and Seojun. Tell them that I will always love them no matter what." I hugged him tightly by his waist and I can feel his arm wrapped around my torso.

"When you missed me, just look at the sky and smile because I am too will be missing your smile from above." I rock our body left and right to calm him down.

"I love you so so much Choi Yeonjun. You will always be the one for me no matter how far fate will tear us apart."

"I love you too Choi Soobin. No matter how far destiny set us from each other, I will always find my way to get to you,"

"But for now, I can only love the ghost of you." He lift up his head and stared deep into my eyes. I can't help but to chuckle seeing his doe, puffy eyes. Even with all the redness around his eyes and those chubby crimson cheeks, he still looks so beautiful in my eyes.

"And this ghost will also love you too for eternity." I kissed every part of his face, not missing a single spot knowing how much I will miss doing so.

After I think I've done enough, I just continue stared into his beautiful face until who knows how long. Until a sudden shiver run down through my spine. I knew very well what that means so I let out the most subtle sigh I can do.

"My time has come my flower."

Yeonjun seems like he doesn't want to let me go but I've delayed too much already, it is time. Even though I myself don't want to but I know better what should be done.

I can see his eyes starts glossy again. I cupped his face look into his eyes, with the most softest voice I said,

"When the time has come, we will be together again okay. We will be apart just for a moment." I kissed his forehead.

"Promise me that you'll find me." He gripped onto my hand, hard.

"I will, no matter how far you are, I will find you."

"Now go, my love. Take care of yourself and our kids." I kissed him one last time on the lips before I slowly remove my hands from his face.

I take a few step back and just look at him walking slowly away from me. His footsteps were so heavy as if there's a boulder chain onto his legs. His tears keep on flowing like a river and I can't wipe it for him anymore.

"I love you Choi Yeonjun!" I shouted from afar. His figures almost getting swallowed by the fog around him.

"I love you too Choi Soobin!" I heard him shout back and in just a few seconds after that, even his sillouhettes has vanished from my sight.

I fall down to my knees and bawl my eyes out. I cried out loud until my throat starts to sore. I keep on hitting my chest, hoping that the physical pain can ease the one I had in my heart.

The cries continue for a few moment before I can hear footsteps coming towards me. I ignored it and just cried silently while facing down, not having the will to even lift up my head.

"Choi Soobin, your time has come. Please follow me." I heard somewhat a familiar voice but I don't remember where have I've heard it before so I gather all of my strength just to see who it was and to my suprise,

it was the taxi driver.

"Your wish to come here and meet your lover for one last time has already been fulfilled so now we have to go my child, I'm sorry." His face looks guilty, seeing how broken I look like.

"...okay." I dragged my feet and stand up. My legs feels wobbly and my mind is still clouded. I stared at the fog where Yeonjun walked to with my puffy eyes.

"Wait for me, my beautiful flower."

*****
"Papa, you're okay?" I can hear my sons worried voice. I opened my eyes and there I see them both.

Again, I cried and hug them tightly. They just silently coax me, not knowing what to do.

"I miss your appa so much." I softly said as I wipe my tears.

"We know papa, we missed him too. Let's just hope that he'll be going to a better place." Seojun take my hand and caressed it slowly. They both turn silent whenever their appa was mentioned, beside me they also missed their appa too.

I smiled a bit as I remembered the dream I had just now.

"Don't worry, your appa is in a good place." I muttered slowly and pat their heads.

"He said that he missed both of you too." and that alone manage to make these two grown man cried into my arms and I too, cried again. All of us keep on longing for our one and only man.

"Let's live a happy life for your appa hmm."