Dream Walker✔️

6.3

My eyes stung with repressed tears. It was stupid to be sad about losing something I'd never wanted, but now that it was gone, the emptiness in my chest was overwhelming. I couldn't feel my own magic or Aster's or the connection we'd shared. It was all gone, lost along with my second heart. I swallowed past the tense lump in my throat.

"It's not coming back, Aster. In that alley, I messed up the transformation, and I'm completely human now, but I don't want to talk about it. There's no point talking, since there's no way to fix it. So go on, just listen to Fleck now and pretend I'm not even here." I nibbled on the fish. It tasted wet and salty, which at least gave it some flavor.

"When you say 'no way-'"

"I mean no way. I am human right now, and it's not just skin deep. It's permanent."

His brows furrowed. "No, it's not. We can take you back to that telescope thing, or if that wouldn't work, we can find something to make you transform, like my dad did. He wasn't even a phoenix dragon, and he managed to shapeshift. You can do it, too."

"Sure, Ast, I'll just waltz back into Neza's shop and dig around for one of the rarest types of draconic artifacts with the enforcers swarming all over. Or better yet, how about we go to the capital and break into the province treasury; they'll be sure to have one there, and their guards are crap. They'll be super intimidated by three humans, a kitten, and a half-dragon whose powers revolve around empathy. Oh, and there's a third option—learn necromancy so we can dig up an extinct life dragon and have them fashion me a new heart. Too bad necromancy doesn't work, or else Merlin would've raised his wife years ago and we wouldn't even be here right now."

What was wrong with me, ranting at him like this was his fault, like any of this was his fault? I was trembling, my nerves taut, feeling like I wanted to jump to my feet and punch someone. Not that that would do any good, especially when the two people within punching range were on my side.

I took a calming breath that didn't do much good. "Sorry, it's perfectly reasonable for you to think there must be a way to fix this, and if we're being perfectly literal, there is one. It would just cost way too much, not just money we don't have but time we can't afford to lose and possibly even our freedom or our lives. None of it is worth magic I won't even use back on Earth." I stood. "I need to blow off steam. Don't worry, I won't go far. You can go ahead without me."

"I- okay."

I left the tent, marched past Izzy and Vance, and seriously considered punching a tree before deciding that I didn't really want any broken bones. Instead, I hurled my fish at a tree across the stream. It hit with a satisfying splat before dropping to the ground. I picked up a smooth stone from the bank and threw it at the same tree, making a nice thud as it nicked the bark. Gritting my teeth against the urge to scream, I threw another rock that went wide of the tree and flew into the undergrowth.

"Not a fan of sushi, eh?" Vance walked up next to me with a chunk of partially charred fish.

It was still sizzling, and the smell of cooking meat was appealing enough that I took it. Of course, it was hot enough that I had to juggle it from hand to hand until the chilly air cooled it enough to eat. It didn't have much flavor except kinda burnt meat, but the warmth was as much of a flavor as anything else in this environment. I ate it quickly, before it could cool too much, and threw the bones into the water. After watching them drift away, I went back to throwing rocks.

To my surprise and mild annoyance, Vance didn't leave. What, did he want a compliment for charring the fish?

He scratched his head. "This magic thing, it's really not coming back?"

"No, 'this magic thing' isn't coming back." I huffed. "It's not needed to open the portal or anything, so it won't stop us from getting home. Don't worry."

"Right, yeah. Sorry it's gone." He patted me on the shoulder, which would've seemed like an odd enough gesture even if he wasn't also offering his condolences for me losing my magic—magic that he'd never liked and definitely would've gotten rid of if he'd been able to.

I scoffed. "You're not sorry. You hate magic."

He shrugged and stuffed his hands in his coat pockets. "Yep, but you don't. So, sorry." He kicked a stick into the stream. "About what you did back there, with the killer birds—you saved my ass. Didn't have to do that, but you did. Took a bullet for me, too. So... thanks. That's all." He turned toward the fire for a moment before spinning back around to face me. "No, that's not all."

"There's more?" I hadn't even processed what he'd already said.

"Yeah, there's more. After the attack, you were real bad off. I didn't want you dead. Not dead dead, just egg chick dead, ya know? And I figured lover boy didn't have the guts to do it, so I would. Nothin' personal."

"Nothing personal—that's one way of putting it." He'd seemed almost gleeful to me when he asked for Aster's knife to cut my throat. It didn't really matter, though. As long as he wasn't dumb enough to kill me without Aster's approval, Vance wasn't a real threat to me.

"It won't happen again, I swear." Shaking his head, he returned to the fire.

Something about what he'd said, his body language—it made me think he might really mean it. Maybe he'd gotten over his terrified hatred of me after all. Or maybe he hadn't, and I was too trusting as a human. Either way, I wasn't about to let down my guard around him. I couldn't risk it. I'd done enough harm by showing this much weakness. Even if I was physically useless, I still needed to use my knowledge of Mystica to head up this expedition, and unstable people weren't often viewed as the best sources of good information. I couldn't afford to act unstable, at least not in front of the others.

I returned to the tent, fully prepared to listen to Fleck's void hopping lesson. She wasn't there, and neither was Aster. The interior of the tent was even colder than the exterior, an otherworldly cold that seemed to chill even my thoughts. Well, they'd at least been successful at hopping into the void. Now I just had to wait and hope they made it back okay. I sat next to Izzy in front of the fire. It was a very small fire, barely large enough to char a fish, but even that small warmth was better than nothing.

I'd left the tent flap open so I could see when Aster and Fleck returned, and I kept glancing at it every few minutes. It quickly got dark enough that I couldn't see more than a few feet beyond the edge of the fire. Vance retired to the second tent, and Izzy went into the one Aster had disappeared from. She paused, looking around curiously before glancing out at me.

"Where'd they go?"

"The void dimension, I assume." The void-related cold in the tent should've dispersed by now, so I joined her inside. It was still freezing, so I laced the tent flap closed and tied myself into my sleeping bag. When I curled up in a ball, hiding my head from the world, it was certainly warmer than sitting by the fire. Still, it was the kind of stuffy warmness that made it kinda hard to breathe after a while, especially with the fur lining of the sleeping bag tickling my nose and mouth. Aster's aura was an effortless warmth that made me feel like I'd never left home. I would be more than grateful for his return.