Trans!Ianto

Ianto Tells Gwen

Time Jump: After the events of Exit Wounds. Tosh and Owen have just died and Gwen and Ianto are sat together.

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Gwen sat opposite Ianto and they had a pizza to share between them. Gwen had eaten her first slice and went to grab another but saw Ianto hadn't eaten his first slice yet.

"You need to eat Ianto" Gwen said concerned. Ianto quickly snapped out of his own world looking at Gwen

"Um... Not really hungry" He pushed the plate away from him and more towards Gwen.

"Keep it for when you are." She grabbed another slice putting it on her plate "What's going on in that head of yours, eh?"

Ianto quickly looked up to her and put on his 'I'm okay don't worry about me' face. "Nothing. Was just in my own world. I've eaten today just not hungry right now"

"I know that face well enough Ianto. Wants on your mind" She knew what it was but she wanted him to say it so he was able to talk about it and feel comfortable talking about it. Especially with her.

Ianto looked down again and a few began to form in his eyes and he wiped them away before they fell down his face. "I miss Tosh and Owen..." He muttered.

"So do I Ianto. You can talk about it with me or Jack you know that" She reassured him

"I know but Jack has been really affected by their deaths and so have you. I can't bring myself to talk about it with you guys." He looked down feeling even worse that he never told Tosh, another one of his best friends, that he was trans.

"Oi, you can still talk to us. No matter what okay?"

Ianto nodded but still was resistant to it. "I'll be okay I'd rather you guys talk about it or not talk about it, if you're more comfortable that way" He stood up heading to the door not liking to talk about emotions because he's supposed to be the one that doesn't cry in the team and he's not used to crying in front of Gwen and didn't want to do that now.

"Ianto wait!" Gwen got up to follow him but he kept on walking "Ianto please just come sit down with me. We don't have to talk about it."

The tears in Ianto's eyes grew bigger, the guilt of surviving, the guilt of not telling Tosh and never being able to all grew bigger. He had lost 2 more friends. He has lost so many since joining Torchwood from Torchwood One to Torchwood Three. He felt guilty about being the one who survived and guilty about not tell certain people about his true self. He turned to Gwen and looked up to her with one single tear escaping his eye and he didn't wipe it away this time. He was too tired to.

"Come back into the conference room and sit down" Gwen started to walk over to him. She hasn't seen him cry in a year or two, He even kept himself together long enough throughout their funerals, so she didn't see him cry. She slowly put her arm around his shoulders walking him to a chair so he could sit down again. Ianto sat and put his head into his hands not wanting her to see him. "Ianto look at me sweetheart" She put her hands on his face trying to slowly move them away.

He slowly took his hands away from his face and kept his hands in Gwen's left hand and she wiped a tear away on his face with her right. "It's okay" The reassurance and calming tone in her voice calmed Ianto as he nodded to her.

"I just feel so guilty..." Sighing loudly, he took a sharp deep breath in.

"About?" Inquired Gwen.

"Them dying" answered Ianto with a dead like tone

"It wasn't your fault, so you have no reason to be guilty." Gwen seemed confused at the fact he did feel guilty.

"Too many of my friends have died Gwen. Not just here." He sighed "I have always seemed to survive. Somehow"

"Isn't that good? You can live on for them"

"Good? No. It doesn't feel like it's good I survived and not them, they all could have done so much greatness but they can't now" He sighed taking in another harsh breath "Instead it's just me. The man who's too scared to talk" He looked down

"You can do so much Ianto. Don't ever think you can't. Talk to me now. You don't have to be scared with me." Gwen crouched in front of him as he was sat down.

"There is something else..." Ianto looked to her "I feel so guilty that I can't tell Tosh now. But. I'm Trans, I feel that you should know that. It's why I'm always worried when I don't have my shirt on or I have to change shirts. I have scars on my chest from the top surgery"

"You could have told me earlier. I wouldn't judge you" She looked to him keeping eye contact with him to keep him calm

"I was worried it would ruin our friendship if you didn't support" He kept eye contact with her too

"I'd always support you and I'm certain Tosh would have too" She teared up at the mention of her name "Did Owen know?" Ianto nodded at her question. "How did he find out?"

"Medical check-up. He saw them" Ianto started to calm down now that he had got it off his chest.

"Okay" Gwen smiled at him and stood up still holding onto his hand and pulled him to his feet slightly and hugged him crying slowly into his shoulder "Thank you for telling me" She whimpered in between sharp inhales of breath.

"Thanks for supporting me" He smiled as he had a tear falling down his cheek trying not to cry more over Tosh and Owens death.

Outside the conference stood Jack slowly walking into the room to join them. Gwen looked to Jack and smiled with the tears falling down his face still. "Bad time?" She shook her head to him

"Not at all Jack." Gwen sat back down and wiped the tears off her face and Ianto did the same as Jack sat at the head of the table where he usually sat. "Ianto and I were just talking"

Jack smiled "About anything good?" He gestured to himself jokingly

"Yeah. And it was not about you. You asked if it was something good" Gwen joked back, making Ianto laugh at it.

Jack did a mock death at the joke and laughed afterwards, smiling at the both of them.

"I told her" Ianto smiled to Jack

"About" Jack looked to Ianto's chest to signify the scars and Ianto nodded at the gesture. Jack smiled wide "Well done Ianto. Told you she'd support you." He laughed causing the other two to chuckle slightly.