Stream of Colors • Josh Kiszka

14.

Vienna's P.O.V

It was awhile before I felt better. The endless thoughts and sadness continued to loom in my mind as I tried my best to push them away, but I was beginning to get too exhausted to even attempt to try to get rid of them.

All I wanted was just to have a normal life.

One where I wasn't constantly in fear of what could happen with my parents. One where I felt like any other teenage girl, not having a care in the world.

But, obviously a normal life wasn't in the cards I was given.

I was always going to have family problems.

My dad would never stop drinking.

And my mother would never just leave.

And for some unknown reason they never just get a damn divorce.

Regardless of what I hoped and longed for, I was still sitting pathetically on Josh's couch after my breakdown as he thumbed through the movies they had on DVD, humming quietly.

"So, what's your poison?" Josh spoke out as he peered over his shoulder. I audibly gasped and somehow rasped out a mumbled, "What?"

His eyebrows furrowed, "Um, you know, movies that you like a lot? Like a guilty pleasure, I guess."

My eyes widened, "Oh, right. I don't watch much movies, we don't have cable and my parents are-" I stopped myself before I could finish, uncomfortably avoiding eye contact with Josh.

"Your parents are what?" He questioned as he moved from his spot he had been positioned himself in. It seemed like he knew what I was going to say, but he wanted me to say it.

My eyes darted back to him, a lump in my throat, "Not the type to watch movies."

He nodded a suspicious look plastered on his face. Nonetheless, he went back to doing his previous activity. As he continued, I laid further back into the couch, feeling extremely tired, even though I had slept for more than enough hours.
And by the time Josh finally settled on a movie, I was halfway asleep. Despite that, I still heard the faint sounds of the TV playing and I felt Josh sit on the couch, rather close to me. I drifted even further and right before I fell asleep, I felt Josh delicately push my hair out of my face.

LATER THAT WEEK

After spending a couple nights at Josh's and regaining some sense of stability, I finally decided it was time to stop burdening his family and go back home, where all of that stability would be tore away from me.

Did I want to?

Obviously not.

But I knew I couldn't stay any longer no matter what Josh said.

"Vi, it's ok. I like having you here." He would say over and over again when I told him I had to leave. He very obviously knew something was up with me and my life, which would make sense because I technically told him while I was drunk.
Either way, I knew my time of running away was over and school was starting up again, so I just had to face whatever was waiting for me at home.
So, on Thursday night, after Josh's practice we got into the van and he started driving towards my house.

I had been in this van countless times, but this time it felt different. There was no music playing, Josh was silent, and he was tightly gripping the steering wheel. This attitude was extremely different from his normal light hearted self, who was always talking, always had music on, and usually drove a bit carelessly. Well more than a bit. But it all had me even more on edge about going home. Nonetheless, I chose to not say anything about it.

We finally pulled up to the curb outside of my house, and as I went to open the door, Josh grabbed me by the arm. I quickly turned to him, a questioning look on my face. "What is it?"

"I know you're super closed off and stuff, but I also know something isn't right. I'm worried, Vienna."

I looked at his soft brown eyes knowing that this conversation was coming, "I'm alright. My dad just got a little pushy, which has never happened before. Sure, it scared me when it happened, but it's no big deal now. I'm fine and he won't do it again."

"That is a big deal. You might not think so, but it is."

I shook my head, "I'm fine, okay? Let's just ignore this stuff and move on."

It was going to be hard to ignore it when I stayed at his house because of it, but I had to do everything in my power to get him off my back. Even though deep down, I wanted to tell him that it wasn't fine and that I needed help, but I just couldn't, I had to try my best to remain closed off.

He looked at me, "Alright, but if anything ever happens again, please tell me. This can't keep happening."

"It won't and thank you for being there for me Josh. I appreciate it, a lot."

He nodded his head, causing his curls to bounce with the movement and I continued looking at him as the sun hit him just right and he was once again, glowing. I couldn't look away from him. I didn't know what was happening. He looked so beautiful.

Finally, I snapped out of it, reality hitting me as I quickly shut those thoughts down. No crushes. No love. No nothing. Ever.

"Okay, well, I'll see you on Monday, Josh." I quickly opened the door before anything else could go wrong and I swiftly made my way to the front door.

I hesitated to open it my mind still spinning from the conversation with Josh. But my hand eventually found the metal knob and I twisted it and I slid through the doorway.
When I stepped inside, everything was quiet. As if no one was home. A sigh of relief left me, but it was too soon. My dad came sauntering into the kitchen area, a look of disgust plastered on his face.

"Where have you been, whore?"

I winched from the harshness of his voice, "Nowhere."

"Liar. Just like your mother."

"What does it matter? Not like you missed me."

"You're right, I didn't miss you because every fucking time I look at you, I get reminded of all of the mistakes in my life." He hissed back at me.

Why is he even talking to me then?

I nodded, done with his shitty persona, "Just fucking leave then if you have such a hard time looking at your own daughter."

"You will not tell me what to do!" He yelled back at me.

I shook my head, quickly walking up the stairs and into my bedroom. My heart was stinging from his words, despite how I acted. I tried my best to stay strong and act like it didn't hurt, but it did. It always does.

//

A/N

im soooooo sorry for not updating for so long! life has been crazy, but im trying my best to get back into it. vienna and josh aren't done yet!!!

hopefully everything makes sense, it's been awhile, but i will be trying very hard to get back into it.

but thanks so much for all of the love!!

- ev :)