Mara got home satfely and now were drinking at the spot. Just me and her this time , no boys.
Just laying down watching the city, life seems so quite. We were already 2 bottles in when she asked
"Lu you know you never talk about your mom"
"Yea i know , theres not much to talk about she died end of story."
"Yk ive been friends with you all these years and you havent mentioned her once , i dont even know how she died"
I take a deep breath and turn to look at her "cancer"
"Oh shit im sorry lu"
I go quite remebering her for a moment "you know i was there when she pasted , in all honesty it felt like a relief , i had seen her go through all that apin of fighting everyday, the look in her eyes when i saw she couldnt stay strong for much longer. We were torturing her by begging her to stay alive, she didnt want to die qluity of leaving us, she wanted us to embrace her life but none of us could , when she died i rember her sad pale face, the life draining out of her eyes, she just looked so tired."
"Is that when you changed? I mean i get it i would to losing someone so slowly and watching everyday of there tourtere could kill you"
"I wouldnt say thats when i changed compelety but thats when i lost hope."
"What do you mean by that?"
"I lost hope in life , god , faith , my family , i just lost hope in everything i once loved and maybe that part of why i turned to drugs , to regain that hope back or maybe it was to forget that look on my mothers face right before she died, you know i see it almost everytime i close my eyes."
"Im sorry lu."
"Dont be" i gave her a soft smile , "anyway enough about me , tell me something about you"
"Well not much you dont know , dad left me when i was 8"
"What about your mom mara, whats she like"
She laughs a little "terrible"
"Why is that?"
"She chose drugs over me , i dont know honestly why everyone choses everyone and everything but me. And i guess at some point drugs help me cope with that to, drugs always chose me when my parents didnt you know , i found a love and comfort in them no one else has ever gave me"
"Mara"
"Yes?"
I scoted over to her a little and put my hand on top of hers "ill always chose you you know that?"
"Thank you lu , ill always chose you too"
"So howd you end up in the mental hospital?"
"Which time?" she jokes
"The time we met"
"Longstory short , my mom and me got into a fight , i tried to kill myself and yeah, anyway done with this deep shit , what happend the other day at the club?"
I smile a little and take a deep breath "i fucked mattia."
"What!" she sits up still looking at me
"Yea all night , i cant belive i did that."
"Hes cute i mean cant blame you"
I smack her playfully on the shoulder "i fucked up mara, i ruined everything"
"No you didnt mattia fucks everyone its fine"
For a moment i felt my heart sink , she caught notice "you like him?"
"To be honest i dont know mara, i really dont know." i grab the bottle next to me thats half empty and take a sip. "Do you love him?"
I laugh a little letting some of the drink fall out of my mouth "no mara i dont love him , we fucked a few times thats it, you cant develop feelings over someone that quick"
"Yeah you can lu , but even if you like him dont , he just gonna hurt you"
"Noted" i say taking another sip and passing the bottle to mara
"So hows vito?"mara questioned
"Hes good i guess , i dont really know these days"
"He should come out withus more"
"I try to tell him but hes having one of his down moments , i can barely get him out of bed"
"His ups and downs getting bad again?"
"I think so"
"Just keep a watch on him , he was doing so good , i wonder what happened"
"Hes bipolar mara , thats just him.
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A few more bottles in and i can barley stand up
"Mara do you think were gonna make it to 21?"
"Maybe"
"Honestly i dont know if im gonna make it to 17" i whisper softly
"You will lu , we always make it remember"
"This times different mara. I dont feel real , everything is just so fucking bad , im ready to leave it all behind , i just want to die youg and get it all out of the way, lifes just so hard to live and i dont want to do it anymore , i cant even stay sober long enough to get things done , how am i supposed to do the sober life. Im just so done mara, i just hate myself so much , i hate my body ,how i cant do anything without drugs , how i get obessive over people that dont even want me ,i just hate me."
Mara takes another sip and just sits quitely , i can tell she dosent know what to say
"Im sorry mara"
"Dont be lu'
She moves closer to me and puts one arm around me pulling me into her chest and she takes another sip "i love you lu"
"I love you too mara"
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YOU ARE READING
Human again
Teen FictionAt first, he didn't realize it was me , he grabbed my hair standing up fast and pushed me against the car placing the cold blade at my throat, in the light he studied my face for a moment "fuck lu what are you doing out here?" I take a deep breath a...