The Exchange Student

Chapter 18

He didn't want to utter a word, for fear this moment would be engulfed by reality.
His fingers itched to get a firmer grip on Levi's hand, so the raven wouldn't escape his hold, so that Eren could never let go of him.
But it was like taming a lion, a step too far too soon could be dangerous, and Levi could flee, and worse, never come back.

Eren's breath hitched in his throat when one of his hands dropped to his side, released from the ethereal hold Levi had on him.

He should have said something, done something, Levi was -

Cupping the side of his face in his warm hand ?

Eren couldn't figure out how to breathe properly.

It felt so ... nice, and ... right, somehow.

Levi's lips parted, as if he was about to speak, causing Eren's heart to freeze from fear and anticipation.

"I don't know what I'm doing, Eren. This isn't fair. Not to you, I can't do this to you." His thumb slowly stroked Eren's flushed cheek. "You're driving me insane, I ..."

Eren had never seen Levi lost for words before. He remained silent, heart hammering in his chest, waiting for Levi to speak.

"Fuck, I don't even know what you're thinking, Eren." There was a hint of desperation in his throaty voice. "I'm just ... God, I haven't felt like this before. I don't know what to do with myself. Bottom line, I don't know any-fucking-thing."

He paused, drinking in Eren's features, still running his thumb on the brunette's heated cheek that was tingling from Levi's touch, inching towards his lips.

"Give me a second. Yeah ?" Levi added quietly, seeking Eren's approval, to which he received an imperceptible nod.

Neither moved.

Still as the air around them.

Waiting ; tense.

Then Levi's lips brushed against Eren's, light as a feather, but with so much more weight attached to it.

Eren didn't dare breathe, let alone move - there was no way he was going to break the kiss. His stomach felt like it was turning to molten lava, churning in his stomach, heat coursing through his body like a fever.

It only lasted a mere second, but for Eren, it felt like so much longer.

"Say something, Eren. Please. Say something so that I can stop going crazy."

"I don't want you to stop," Eren whispered softly, locking his fingers with Levi's.

Levi dropped his hand from Eren's face, causing Eren's heart to drop too, plummeting to the pit of his stomach, so fast, it was a reflex to catch his hand, and wrap it up in his own.

"Eren, this fucking hopeless. I don't want to hurt you, it's the last thing I want."

"I don't care," Eren mumbled stubbornly, refusing to let go of his limp, pale hands.

"I do. In six - five months, five, Eren - I'm gone and you won't ever see me again. You'll forget me, move on, and this," he nodding his head slightly between them, "whatever the fuck this is, will only cause you pain. There's never a happy ending in this shit."

"Then I won't forget you. Easy. I think I, uh ... really care for you, Levi."

"No. Don't." A frown sombered Levi's face, as his jaw clenched ever so slightly.

"Don't you think this is worse ? For us to live in the same house, to always be together, and yet we would have to look straight ahead, and neither of us could really be truthful and honest with the other ?"