If I Can't Have you

(24) Telling John

"John," Jemima says, fiddling with her hand as she sits opposite him.

"Yeah?" John asks, shifting all his attention onto her.

"I'm going to tell you something," Jemima replies, "and I understand that you're going to be mad. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, but you have to know we never did this to hurt you."

"Who's we and what did you do?" John queries, straightening up in his chair, "I'm not going to be mad at you, Jem."

"Thomas and I..." Jemima sighs, inhaling deeply, "we've been sleeping together, we aren't anymore but we were for a couple of months."

"Thomas?" John repeats, his voice getting gradually louder, "Thomas Shelby? As in my fucking brother Thomas?"

"How long? Were you still with Logan? Did he hurt you?" John questions.

"It was after Logan, and it lasted a couple of months," Jemima responds, "he didn't hurt me, John. The things that happened, occurred because we both wanted them to."

"So what you don't hate each other? It's all been act? I don't get it? Have you met Tommy? Jem, he's only ever going to hurt you whether he means to or not." John says.

"Oh, I despise him, but it's complicated, it was never an act." Jemima replies.

"I'm actually going to kill him," John states.

"John, I'm just as guilty as he is. It was a mutual interaction," Jemima responds, "I'm as much to blame."

"No, he took advantage of the fact that you were heartbroken over Logan - I'm not saying you're easy. You could be the hardest person in the world and Tom could still talk his way through you, he's an insatiable prick." John says.

"After Logan wasn't the first time," Jemima says.

"You said you didn't whilst you were with Logan," John states.

"I didn't, it was before I was with Logan." Jemima admits, "the first time was the night before you all went to war."

"Almost six fucking years? You've both kept this from me for six fucking years?" John exclaims, "Jem, you're meant to be my best friend, he is my brother."

"I know that, and I'm sorry," Jemima apologises.

"This is unbelievable," John says, "this isn't a joke, is it?"

Jemima shakes her head, "no, John."

"I'm not mad at you," John tells her, "I get you're both adults, you both have urges and whatever. I'm not mad at what you two did, I'm pissed that you've kept it from me for so long."

"We were worried about how you'd react," Jemima says.

"If he was that worried, he'd be in here too, he obviously doesn't care that much," John responds, "if he's making you do this by yourself he ain't that fucking worried about my reaction. He is a selfish prick."

"Will it happen again?"

"No," Jemima replies, though she was unsure of whether she'd be able to stick to that response, "I don't know?"

"Jem, he's not good for you. Don't get me wrong, he's my brother and I love him, but he is an utter cunt. He'll never treat you the way in which you deserve to be treated," John sighs, "I get you're adults and it's really not my business what 'extracurriculars' you want to get up to. But I urge you to think about it, you know how he is."

She thought she knew how he was, but spending so much time with him was making her point of view change. Last night, he didn't even hesitate to come to her, to essentially save her from whatever Gabriel had been planning.