If I Can't Have you

(47) Its my decision

"I've got to say I didn't expect to see you after you sent that letter," Mr Baker says, "the job has been given to someone else."

"What letter?" Jemima queries, extremely confused as she watches him sift through his files, handing it to her.

Dear Mr Baker,

I am thankful for your offer, but as it stands I am unable to accept. I hope you find someone to fulfil the role, but it shan't be me.

All the best,

Jemima Morrigan

That wasn't her handwriting. But it was handwriting she recognised all too much. Her hand clenches around the sheet of paper. Thomas fucking Shelby.

Pissed was an understatement. She was outraged beyond belief.

"If there has been some misunderstanding, I deeply apologise, but the job is no longer vacant," Stuart tells her.

"I understand," Jemima nods, folding the letter up and placing it in her pocket, "thank you."

She storms all the way back to her house. She was furious. How dare he.

She walks into the house and Tommy smiles at her from where he was sat on the sofa, his face dropping when he watches her take the sheet from her pocket, slamming it down in front of him.

"Let me explain," Tommy says.

"No," Jemima states, gesturing to the letter, "I think that's enough of an explanation. Fuck you."

"I deserve that." Tommy sighs, scratching the base of his neck.

"How could you?" Jemima whispers, "why would you? Actually no, don't say anything. Just get out."

"Jemima-"

"Tommy don't, either you leave or I do," Jemima says

"Stay and argue with me, please don't walk away from us," Tommy pleads.

"I don't want to argue with you, all these arguments, I can't take it. Especially as you acted on my behalf. Sending that letter to Mr Baker, what gave you the fucking right?" Jemima grinds out, extremely angry at him.

"I was concerned, I am sorry," Tommy states.

"You rejected it on my behalf. That is not okay. I've been stuck in relationships where my decisions have been made for me, my entire life. I won't get sucked into it again. I will not do it. You have no proof any of this is to do with Sabini. And even if you did, it is not your decision," Jemima replies, tears building in her eyes.

Tommy stays silent, unsure of what he can say to make this better. He doubts there was anything.

It was painful for Jemima. She loves him with all her heart. But she can't do it to herself again. She doesn't want to go through this again. It felt all too familiar. So as much as she loves him, she doesn't think she can stay with him. This pushed too many of her boundaries.

"You can't choose what I do. Do you understand how undermining your actions were? How belittling and inferior it's made me feel. How trapped I now feel?" Jemima states, her voice slightly shaky.

"I am sorry, love, truly," Tommy apologises, "it was irrational, I wasn't thinking."

"Oh, that's quite clear," Jemima says, dropping her head, looking at the promise ring on her finger, slowly removing it, "I can't do this again, Tom. I need some space."

"Jemima, please," Tommy replies, feeling an overwhelming sense of anguish thundering over him as she hands the ring back to him, "I love you."

"If you can't respect that I needed and wanted to make this decision by myself, that's not enough," Jemima responds, "this is not something I want to do, but I have to. I have to give myself some space if you ever thought that what you were doing was okay."