Feel Better ~ Byler

Chapter 3 - Silence

WILL'S POV

It had grown dark outside and no one was home yet. My mom and Hopper both worked late, and El was spending the night with Max. Weird for a Monday night, but it happened all the time. Johnathan and Nancy had their own place, it was about fifteen minutes away from ours. They would sometimes stop by, but they had their own things to do tonight. 

I hated the silence. It was eerie, cold, lonely, and left me with my own thoughts. I could watch a movie or get on youtube. I could scroll endlessly through TikTok, or facetime with one of my friends. But I just couldn't. I didn't care enough to do any of those things. I didn't really care to do anything anymore. That's why I was all alone with my thoughts. 

Sometimes they were good. Sometimes I would fantasize about being in Mike's arms, him holding me and not letting me hurt myself anymore. But that would spiral into me wishing my friends knew and wishing they would stop me. That started the tears. The tears started the urges, and the urges started the cutting. I guess there was still one thing I could do. 

I had been self-harming for just over a year and a half, but it didn't get bad until April of this year. I wouldn't say my mental health went downhill. It was more like it got bored of slowly getting worse and decided to jump off the edge of a cliff.

I didn't want to cut tonight. I never really "wanted to." More like I had to. I always used to try to stop myself, but I had given up on that a while ago. Shower- that's what I needed to do. I hadn't showered in a week. The only thing that motivated me to shower was the fact that my hair felt like alge. I hated when my hair was overly greasy. 

I begrudgingly got out of my bed, heading towards the bathroom. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I hated getting naked, I hated showers, I hated how my body felt like it was searing. As I got in the bathroom I felt the pit of my stomach drop. It happened every time I was about to take my clothes off. At this point I had gotten used to it, sadly. 

I took off my sweatshirt, my shirt, my pants, and my underwear. I hated my body. My ugly, disgusting, ruined, papercut skin. I chuckled a bit at the fact that I hated my body when I was the one making the modifications that I hated so much. I locked the door and I turned the shower on. I felt my skin warm up, my wounds screaming for a minute of air. 

As I wrapped myself in a towel I felt a just started sobbing. How had I ended up here, so far in crisis and no one even knew. I buried my head in my towel and felt it moisten on the other side. I slumped to the floor and just cried. I cried and cried and cried until eventually, there was nothing else to cry. 

AUTHORS NOTE

I got a Mike and Steve Funko Pop today! I love them both, aah! 

Also, sorry for kind of dragging on time. I promise action will happen, I just have to build up to it! Since this is also half based off of my own experience, I am trying to highlight every memorable time from that week before the event happened. What is the event? Stick around to find out! Hah.