Thin Ice ✔️

chapter twenty three: a fucking rat

No. No. No.

This cannot be happening.

Why does he have to be like that? Why does he have to be everywhere I am?

I turned around and locked my door, sealing myself in my dorm. I did not want to be around him another minute-afraid if I did I would do something I regret.

But I think it's too late to say that. I've already regretted a lot of things I've done. For starters saying that line at the party was a little out of hand and I shouldn't have done that.

And it's not even what I said that I regretted most, it's how I've been acting afterwards. For two days I've been stressing over what happened, regretting the words I blurted-out loud-for everyone to hear.

I felt bad. I didn't want to bring it up like that but I can't take it back now. Only most of me wishes I did. I saw in his face that night and I've seen it in his face the past two days, he knows me and I know him.

Except he's trying to fix things and I'm not. I can see him trying to make things right, but I shut him down because it's the only thing I can do. When my fight or flight kicks in, I choose flight everytime. I avoid, avoid, avoid, until the problem goes away.

It's how I've been for years, but this-this is different. As much as I would like to talk to him, I just can't bring myself to do it. I hope what I said today gave him the hint, after all it was pretty blunt, but if there's one thing I strictly remember-he doesn't go down without a fight no matter what the cause is.

I felt my gut twist and turn knowing that this was probably far from over, and the only thing I could keep doing was resist. But I don't know how far resisting will get me because at this point, guilt seems to be pulling me the other way.

~~~~~

I was peacefully laying in bed when I heard a knock on my door.

Who could be here?

Confused, I got up and walked over, still in my pajamas, to open the door. I checked who was outside and when I saw it was Addie I unlocked the door and let her in.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. "Don't you have school?" I shut the door behind her and locked it again.

"I decided to take online classes and stay down here for a while,"

"Great so you're never going away now are you?" I joked

"Nope." she said, popping the 'p'. "So do you mind showing me around town? If I'm gonna be here a lot I might as well get to know the place."

I stared down at my clothing and sighed, "Fine. But next time you wake me up this early, you're not getting off easy." I pointed at her.

"Oh please Dani, it's eleven in the morning. You were probably up in bed." she waved off my warning.

I rolled my eyes and walked into my room and towards my closet, opening it I took out a sweater and a pair of jeans. Addie gave me the eye of approval and I got dressed.

"Where are we gonna go?" she asked.

"We'll walk the streets until we find something." I grabbed my keys off the counter and opened the door. Addie followed me out and we drove into town.

Wintertime was the best time of year to be in Aspen. The decorations were set so you'd feel like part of a fairytale. I absolutely loved this time of year more than any other and it's been like that since I was a kid. Safe to say I'm a child when it comes to Christmas.

I checked the weather app and almost squealed when it said we had a decent chance of snow all week.

"What's got you all excited," Addie asked behind me.