Mortified

Chapter 17

She moves and sits on the chair of the dressing table. I think she is shivering.

"Why would you want this? Are you not happy with your life with me? I have always provided you with everything, so why would you want to know anything about that jackass father of yours? He did not want you in his life so why do you want him in yours?" she says, trying to keep herself calm.

"Because I need closure. I need to know who he is. I don't want to go and live with him but I just want to see his face." I tell her, determined to get his name.

"I cannot give that to you. I don't want you associated with him. Now if there is nothing else that you want, you can go out. I think I will lie down before I start cooking." She waits for me to leave. I get up and move towards the door, no not today meadow. It is now or never and you need to choose now. My inner goddess yells at me.

"Sorry maa, but with all due respect, I need to know about my father and he needs to know that I exist, that his child is there in this world. It is my right and you cannot deny it. Please maa, I have never pushed on it but I will do that today. I am 18 years old and I don't even know the name of my father. All my friends want their father out of their lives but I want him once in my life, to fill that blank space. I have nightmares about him almost every day. Sometimes he is kissing me on my cheek and then in the next he is leaving me. I can never see his face. I respect what Charlie had done for us, he gave us a home and he tried his best to fill up the gap of a missing father in my life but he couldn't. I need to know maa and please don't say no. I won't hear a no. no matter how much I have to push now, I will push. But I want to know his name." I am shouting by the end of it but am thankful that the door is closed.

"And if I do tell you his name, then what will happen? You will go to him but he won't even recognise you. He will never take you in his life. I was wrong to fall in love with him, but the best decision I ever made was to leave that man, but still keep you in my life. But I am not going to lose you, like I have lost rose. You think you can push my limit but you can't. Don't forget that I am your mother. You want to turn against me, you are most welcome. But I am not going to tell you his name. And that is full and final." Even she is shouting.

"No maa, you do not get to take the call here. I have a right and I want to know."

"Stop it Meadow, this is enough."      "No I will not stop." 

And then she slaps me. I don't even understand what has just happened and then a piercing pain hits my cheek. She has never raised her hand on me. No matter how angry she was, she has never hit me. She realises what she has done and moves towards me, but I back away. I laugh out of wonder and amazement and then leave her room and run to my stairs and shut the door behind me.

"Meadow, open the door. Please listen to me honey. Please. I am sorry. Please forgive me. I never meant to hit you. Please open the door, I don't want to lose you too." I can make out that she is crying by now. 

"Please leave me alone." I say, trying to supress the tears forming in my throat.

I can hear the footsteps go and then hear the main door open and shut with a bang.

I go and sit beside my bed and don't stop my tears from flowing. I knew that it was a bad decision to ask but didn't know that it would end into something so disastrous. There must be a lot she has hidden from me. But why can't she just tell me and let the topic go? I don't even realise it but I am so drained of energy that I fall asleep, crying.

"Meadow, open the door, god dammit. I know you are sad but please let me in baby, I can help. Please open the door."

I am woken up by a loud bang on the door. It is 5 in the evening now. I have slept for about 3 hours. Suddenly I realise that it is Dallas, who seems really worried.

"I am okay. Sorry I just feel asleep. It is okay. Could you call Emily for me please?" I say, my voice still a little shaky.

"I am here. Actually everyone from your family is here. We are really worried about you meow, please open the door. Talk to me." I hear Emily say and I know that she is using the trick we were taught in school and I can't believe it but it actually works.

I get up and wash my face and then go open the door. Dallas is the first to grab me and gives me a really long kiss, in front of everybody.

"Get a room you two." Emily says from behind and I give her a smirk and then hug her. "You got me worried. And so was your boy out there. He called me the time you didn't open the door, and he had 3 failed attempts to open the door or window." I look at him and he is a little more relaxed but is yet keeping his arms around my waist. We go to the dining room where the tree has

been decorated by Mia and Robert. It is really pretty. So we give our gifts to each other. Emily really loves her scarf and Robert loves his new watch, one that has GPS in it and can be connected with his phone supposedly! Men and their toys.

For Dallas I got a little keychain that has the words of I love you engraved on it.

"Do you not like it? We can give it back." I tell him when I don't see him smile.

"No, no it is lovely. Just that I don't think that my gift can match yours." He says, as if ashamed.

And then he removes a lovely locket from his pocket with the initials of 'D and M' carved together. It is really pretty as it shines in the light.

"It is lovely Dallas. It's so pretty." I hug him and put it on.

"Well girl that is a beautiful locket." Emily smiles at me.

I put my hand in the bag and there are only two gifts left. One is for rose and the other for my mom. Suddenly I realise there absence. I know that Rose is in her room but where is my mother? She left and hasn't come back yet. It is nearly 7 now and it has started to snow.

"Robert, did mom tell you where she was going or when she would be back?" I ask him, feeling scared.

"No. I will call her now. Don't worry she is probably getting something for dinner. I am sure it has nothing to do with your .... confrontation." He says, putting his hand on my shoulder and gets up to call her. The phone rings within the house. She has never forgotten to take her phone with her. 

Suddenly panic enters the whole room. Where could she be? I just hope she is alright. Suddenly Robert's phone rings and he goes to the other room. He comes back and I think I can see tears in his eyes. "What is it Robert?" stew goes to him.

"Its mom. She was in an accident and has slipped off into a coma." I collapse onto the floor.