vance hopper: speak now or forever hold your truth my little one
you: ok
you walk to his house. he makes you chicken dinner. you walk into his room and admire his gaming set up (btw this takes place in the present so before any of you rats say there were no dream smp in the 70s shut up i havent't gotten there yet you buffoon).
he takes off his gamer headset. "im leaving you with the kids"
you shake your legs and fall over.
"but i don't know how to breast feed" you cry and moan.
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"im sorry baby but i found someone else" he whispers seductively and looks at an image on his desk.
you take the image off his desk
"DREAM FROM THE DREAM SMP?!?!?" you gasp.
"yes you cockered beetle-headed barnacle. that one" he says aggressively.
"i am moving to the address of 2710 English Ivy Ct. Longwood, Florida 32779. bye y/n" he says
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he packs a belt, a sock, and a utensil. you look out the window as he walks fastly and angerly. you remember why you love him because he is verbally abusive and that's your type in men. you run out the door and tell him he forgot his raincoat but he ushers to the dreamsmp merch hoodie in his suitcase so he basically doesn't need a raincoat.
he walks to florida because he skipped leg day yesterday and he wants to make up for it. he is also dyslexic so he didn't pass his drivers ed test (this is my friend keith's headcannon of vance and everything he says is automatically american law you dumbass)
on day 3 of his travels he sees the grabber
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"oh hi grabber i am on my way to dream from the dream smp's house. want to join and maybe do more?" the vance askes politely.
"oh sure you look cute. what is the age" asks the grabber
"18" says vance hopper enthusiastically.
"CURSE YOU LEGAL ADULTS I ONLY LIKE THEM YOUNG. IT'S CALLED NAUGHTY BOY NOT NAUGHTY MEN!" screams the grabber
"dream likes young boys too! and his lips are red so he is fertile" vance claims.
"tell me more about this... dream... you speak of" the grabber says while grabbing vance closer.
"well. he tells me to roleplay as a little boy for him and he has a fandom of little boys. they can be naughty if you ask them to" says vance.
on the way to florida, they stop at weinerschintzle. they get weiner with mustard.
"ohhh goody!" says pops from regular show.
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"pops you are handsome" says the grabber. "this is the first time i feel like this about someone your age" says gravbber.
"what is there! in the corner!" says vance scared.
