Chapter Eleven

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You know the hardest part of being in love? Being scared to death to lose it

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You know the hardest part of being in love? Being scared to death to lose it. What happens when that beautiful girl decides she doesn't want me anymore? What happens when she realizes she deserves better? What happens when those thoughts torment your mind and have you physically sick because the thought of losing someone else you love hits in a way you never would have imagined.

The way Remi looks up at me with all the adoration seeping its way into my own skin has me coming alive, but also makes me feel like my skin in crawling. Like I need to get out of it and her love for me would go away. Even if that's not I what I want. Not the road I will choose.

That girl is embedded in every single strand of me, and it both terrifies me and makes me thrive for everything that is her. I love when she lays her head on my chest. The way she smiles shyly at me when people are around. The way she is brave and bold when she has had enough. The way she sways when dancing to a song in the lamp light in her room when she cleans it at night while I'm sitting in her chair. The way her expressions are written all over her face when I catch a glimpse of her writing in her journal when she thinks I'm sleeping in her bed.

She wants me to have every piece of her, but I don't think that would be fair. She is a jewel that needs to be treasured, not slandered in the mud from who I have been coming back to grip onto her and not let go.

"Then take another of my firsts." She said to me. Pleading in a way she was too good for. "Please." She added. Like I wouldn't give into her one command. Truth be told I probably would have gone all the way if she pushed me hard enough. But like I said, she deserves more.

I latch onto her wrist and bring her hand up to my lips. Kissing her palm, I close my eyes to settle my nerves. When I open them, she is looking at me like I'm about to give her all the best things in this world. When I'm just trying not to tear it down.

"Lie back baby." I tell her. My voice thick with emotion, because dang this girl is all the good, and brings good to even my darkest parts. Doesn't she realize she is everything to me?

She lays down and looks at me expectantly. Those brown eyes wide with fear? I'm not sure. Anticipation? Yeah. That's what I see. My eyes move down her exposed body and my throat thickens. She is a beauty to behold. "What is it?" She whispers like she's afraid of the answer.

My eyes move back to hers before I speak again. "You're absolutely perfect darlin'." She smiles a little like she thinks I'm just saying that. I'm not though. She is in a league of her own.

She lifts her hand and runs it through my stubbled cheek. Closing my eyes, I reel in the feel of her skin against mine. "Pl-please do s-something." Her voice trembles when she speaks.

My eyes open and I get lost in the swirl of brown looking so intently at me. My hand slowly makes a path from her knee and up her thigh. I stop before I move my hand over her hip and squeeze a little to see her reaction. A sharp intake of breath leaves her, and I watch her as she sets her gaze on the path my hand takes. I hesitate before softly running my fingers over her stomach that flutters underneath my touch.

Where my skin is marred in bruises and scars, hers is perfect and creamy. Soft underneath my calloused hands. "Tell me to stop." I think I beg her. Needing the help to leave her in perfect condition and wanting so badly to claim her as my own.

Her small hands move over mine and gently moves them up and I'm stuck in a trance as I watch her with amazement or fear. Heck, maybe it's both. She stops for a second before she places my hand on her breast, and I think it's me that intakes a sharp breath that time. When I softly stroke my thumb over her mauve nipple, it's all over.

She pulls me down to her and my mouth finds hers as her legs go around my own. Holding me to her while I put all I feel for this beauty into a kiss.

With one hand still on her breast, the other goes to her thigh as I hike it up higher. Her noises drive me on, and I kiss down to her collarbone and back to her mouth. We are lost in time in the pages we are writing together. That is, until it stops.

Like cold water rushing over my skin. I pull away from this girl when she tries to undo my belt buckle. My movements are jerky, and I open the door to the truck and walk away. Trying to get as much breath into my system as I can. It does no good when her sweet smell is still all over me. Consuming the very air I try to breathe.

I feel her walk up behind me. I don't bother looking back though. I don't want to see the hurt shining in her eyes. "Zachariah." My name is a plea on her lips. A plea to understand something even I don't understand. She grabs my hand and I realize she is only wearing the jacket to my tux. Her black curls cascading down to her mid back and she's barefoot. Man, she is the picture of everything I want in this life. "Please talk to me."

I can't though, can I? I say nothing but squeeze her hand. I turn to look back at the darkness as the sun has set and it leaves us in a bleak and dreary night. The moon our only light besides the cab lights inside the truck. "Let's get you home sweet girl." Then without waiting for her to reply I walk to the truck and get in.

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