Fatal Pursuit

trentuno

I have been living with Dante for maybe a week and a half now but it feels like much more time has passed. Since getting here, I've spent every day inside of his apartment. I feel cut off from the world in some way.

Everything was going perfectly, but that was precisely the problem.

Dante would do everything for me and it annoyed me a little that he would do everything for me. Everyone thinks that the pinnacle of luxury is the freedom to be able to delegate your tasks onto other people, never having to lift a finger.

But that couldn't be further from the truth. It makes you feel like an incapacitated baby, stripped of liberty and free will.

I love him and he treats me very well but sometimes he is just overwhelmingly agreeable.

He cooked every meal for me, he cleaned, he did my laundry without me even having to ask him. Honestly, he'd probably wipe my ass if I asked him to.

If I say that I want something, he'll immediately go out and get it for me if he can't order it.

He even orders the ingredients he uses to cook with to the house.

I ask him why not just go to the farmer's market like he did when we were living in the AirBnB together, and he just says that it's more convenient because the farmer's market is on the other side of town. No point making a whole trip just for lunch. It makes sense but I also don't want to be cooped up in the house all day.

And I don't have a car or the keycard to open the gate, so when he's not here, I'm just bored out of my mind until he comes back.

I've even tried to go up to the man at the gate to ask him if he could open it for me but he said that if I leave, he won't be able to let me back in without a keycard even though he knows that I stay here with Dante.

There's nothing to watch and nothing to do but leaf through his books, but none of them are in English except one that's about engineering. So at least I know the formula to calculate the amount that a material deforms per unit length in a tensile test and how to test ductility of metallic materials. Very useful everyday skills of course.

To fill the time, I take walks around the perimeter of the apartment complex to get some fresh air but all the houses seriously look just alike to the point that it's almost nauseating. If it weren't for the house numbers, I would never have been able to find my way back on my own.

I know, it sounds like I'm being ungrateful but I don't know, I can't fight this strange feeling in my gut. It's the same way I felt when I found out about Nacho and his branding. That feeling that something is just not adding up.

Also, no one ever comes out of their house, so I hardly see anyone else apart from the man at the gate and people driving by in their cars, giving me curious stares as they pass me. Not seeing other people more often makes me feel out-of-touch and isolated. I tried to explain it to Dante but he just doesn't see the issue with it.

When Dante comes back from work, I jump into his arms. Feeling like I haven't seen him in years. It makes him happy that I missed him so much, thus showering him with my affection but my excitement primarily stems from the fact that there is indeed other human life and I'm not in some carefully curated fever dream.

I guess you could call me an ingrate. I have practically everything I want but still I want more. But, I'm not really asking for more, am I? If anything, I'm asking for less.

Although I know that something feels out of place, I push it to the back of my mind. I want this to work, I want to move on.

Honk! Honk!

I look behind me and it's Dante. He sticks his head out of the window, "Where are you running off to, angel?"

"Just taking a walk."

"Hop in, I'll drive us home," he said, motioning for me to get in.

"That's okay, I'm not done walking yet."

"Alright, let me just park the car and we can walk together!"

"No, I just want to walk alone, clear my head. I'll meet you at the house."

He frowned, "Is something the matter, angel?"

I crossed my arms, "No, I just need some alone time."

He puts his car into park and gets out and a part of me feels a tinge of annoyance, "Infinity, something is obviously wrong with you. Why don't you want to tell me, hmm?"

"I just want a bit of time to myself, what's so wrong with that?"

His eyebrows crinkled at my words, "But baby, you've been alone all day long. It's dark out now, let's go home. I'll cook you dinner and we can talk about it. Guess what, I picked up that German chocolate cake that you like for dessert. What do you say?" he smiled.

I looked at the ground mutely and shook my head.

He sighed deeply, "Alright, I'll let you have your 'alone time'. I guess, I'll meet you at the house."

He got back in his car and I waited until he drove away and turned around the corner to continue my walk.

༄

When I come back to the house, I don't smell anything cooking. I expected him to have started dinner already but he's not even in the kitchen.

I open the fridge and bring out the German chocolate cake and place it on the counter. I cut myself a narrow slice, licking the frosting off my finger tips. I'm definitely going to miss this brand of cake when I leave Spain. I bet if I mention it to Dante, he would offer to airlift one to my house every day.

Suddenly, I hear a very faint noise coming from one of the rooms in the back. Dante's voice and someone else's.

I follow the sound all the way out onto the deck where Dante is having a very animated phone conversation with someone else. Another man.

He stands out there with the phone on speaker,  his back turned to me.

I slide the glass door open just a smidge so I can listen in to what they're talking about.

I listen in intently but, I can't understand anything. They're not speaking English, nor are they speaking Italian. I don't recognize this language. I've only ever heard Dante speak English, Spanish and Italian. But this language sounds like an Italian remix featuring Spanish and French.

I am able to pick up a few words here and there but they're talking too fast for me to get a gist of the conversation.

I may not know what language he's speaking but he and this person seem very familiar with each other.

They finally switch back to Italian and I begin to understand what's being said with more clarity. The man on the phone is congratulating him on a 'job well done' and Dante says that he 'did what he had to do'.

Then, my heart sinks at the words of the man on the phone.

He says to him in Italian, "So now what's the plan, Zio?"

I know that my Italian isn't fluent yet but I know what I fucking heard.

Zio.

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