Fatal Pursuit

trentatre

*I don't care whose side you're on at this point but I actually cried writing this chapter so any Dante slander will be deleted, y'all aint gonna hate on my son right now.*

I have no idea where Dante slept last night but it wasn't in the bed and it wasn't on the couch. My eyes burn as I stain his satin pillowcases with my tears and I can't tell which tears are for Ignacio and which ones are for Dante.

None of them were for me, for I felt that I didn't deserve the security of my own sadness.

All of the butterflies that once lived in the pits of my stomach die and from their ashes, sprout locusts of conceit and self-loathing.

I've been through so much shit in my life. So much deceit, trauma and heartbreak but absolutely nothing compares to the pain I've felt since being here and it was all caused by my own hand, my own pride and my own selfish desire.

I never saw the day that I would look in the mirror and see something so wretched and abominable staring back at me. Xavier was right. I am a monster.

I have become what I hate most and as I lie on this frigid, empty space, I can't decide whether I want to go home or die more.

༄

I don't wake up until the afternoon.

I step out of the bedroom, tiptoeing as I scanned for any signs of Dante. I know that he's not gone to work because it's the weekend.

The coast is clear but the place feels emptier than usual...

I walk into the kitchen and that's when I see it.

A note on the counter.

"Infinity,

As you can probably tell, I've left.

I decided that living in this country after such devastation would not be a possibility for me. So I am going back to Italy. There are many things that have been left unsaid. So, I'm leaving you this note. I know that you will not be able to answer me in person, but answer in your heart. I know that it will reach me somehow.

Why was it never me? What is so wrong with me that I am not good enough? Was I not careful with you? Did my love lack passion? Did I neglect your feelings and disregard you in ways that I was too blind or wreckless to understand?

You said you loved me many times but I'm not sure about your love. You love in a way that I cannot comprehend. You say love you to me but then you choose people that you know destroy you. But I was still your second choice, despite all of my efforts... why?

But, I won't waste my parting letter telling you how profoundly you hurt me because even through pain, I've learned so many things about myself.

However, I never came to understand how even when you had more, you always seemed to think that you deserved less. I've never in my life seen someone willingly inflict emotional self-harm onto themselves in such a way. For this reason, I've come to the conclusion that we will never understand each other in the way that is necessary in a healthy relationship. No matter how much it hurts me, I have to accept this to be truth and let you go.

It is okay. Regardless, there is no doubt in my mind that you are a very special and irreplaceable woman.

So special in fact that I am not enough for you. This is why you sought beyond me, I get it now.

I know I'm not perfect. Even though I tried to be perfect for you. I made mistakes thinking that they would be investments into our relationship but now they have become things that I will regret for the rest of my days.

I gave so much of myself to you that I let you take an entire half of me, didn't I?

But even then, you saw that you needed more, and what remained of me could not fulfill you. I understand now! I can't blame you for my insufficiency. I am not enough for you, for I am now but half a man.

That's why our story must end here. This is my goodbye, Infinity. This is the end."

TI PERDONO,

(I FORGIVE YOU)

Dante fucking Castellini (:

DONT FORGET TO FUCKING VOTE WHORES
And also take a look at my other book Professor Professor if you haven't already!!!