Making Stars

observation

[ REVISED: 10/24/22 ]

I managed a small shrug while maintaining a nonchalant expression. "It's fun playing the observer."

"Well how do you know someone else isn't playing observer, too?"

I huffed through my nostrils. "It wouldn't matter to me, I'm a hell of an observer and I keep it at that." Internally, I could hear my brain beating at the walls of my head saying Are you dumb? That's the most stuck up thing you could've said!

My attention turned to the male beside me as he chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothin' really," he answered, "just the fact that you seem to think there aren't other good observers."

"I mean I never said that, I'm just sayin' that I'm a really good observer."

When I looked back to him, it looked as though he was contemplating something before folding his arms across his chest. His body shifted so it was faced my direction while a small smile crept upon his lips. How am I not dead, it's not making sense. "Okay then, tell me an observation about me."

"Uh, I don't think I can do that." That was essentially asking me to tell him what I've learned from stalking him (and I never did that).

"Didn't you just say you're a really good observer?"

"We're technically strangers, so observing you would, in a sense, be equivalent to stalking."

"I didn't think that all the times we'd happen to pass each other through the student cafe."

The sudden acknowledgment of long past events made my heart stop. So he did know, yet said nothing. I wasn't sure whether to be happy that the boy beside me did end up noticing my presence, or be annoyed that he never tried to approach. Then again, I'm sure there were obvious reasons for that.

I could only really stare in silence with a tilted head. "What?" he asked after noticing my voiceless reaction. I didn't answer and instead turned my attention back to the view of the night sky before me.

I loved staying up late, not only for its often silent factor, but the sky was breathtaking. Stars and constellations took my mind to places beyond reality where I was in utmost peace, serenity entirely unexplainable. Everything was perfect. And then morning would come. I had no issues with the span of sunlight rays and chirping birds, but it meant the next day. No more comfort in the plethora of twinkling lights stretched across a deep hued canvas. Reality was another day.

Surely I was over exaggerating in my analogies, but to some extent I knew I was right to compare this to the setting of nature. No matter how much I dreamed about him getting flustered around me, how much I wished I'd run into him at unexpected times, how much I imagined him stealing me away from my friends, how much I hoped he would confess an interest in me, reality comes the next day. It takes a moment to rub away the sweet ideality, but it leaves nevertheless.

"You're a night owl," I said suddenly, keeping my attention on a particular constellation that I forgot the name to. "And a pretty late one, too. You're also popular but private, so many know you, but you stick close to certain people and are able to be more open. When you're not with them, you're closed off and reserved. I get the idea you're introverted, but when you find people you believe are trustworthy enough, you gradually open up." I decided to keep it there, that should have been a decent enough answer for him. Lord I hope I didn't say anything too revealing.

Slowly, my head turned to find a reaction on the boy's face, and it appeared he was in thought once more. "How close was I in accuracy?"

He gave a curt nod but did not meet my eyes, instead looking off to a place I couldn't pinpoint. One hand was tucked behind the opposite armpit while the other was rubbing his chin in thought. The sight was cute, and the moonlight made it no easier giving him a specific gleam that burned my chest. "Far from it."