Our final goodbye

Chapter 1

The day was gloomy, as expected, she'd had a great run at life, achieved everything she could've ever dreamed of. Nothing ever stopped her no matter what, she fought for everything she wanted and believed in, if that meant she lost people on the way then so be it. Right now was a reflection of everything she'd achieved in life, people from all over the place were here to pay their respects. It was hard on everyone, her kids, her wife, no one was prepared for this day ever, she'd been through so much they thought she would live forever, but what was so admirable was that she spent her whole life blindly inspiring people to strive in life, to always take chances and to follow their dreams.

*1 week earlier*

It was absolutely heart breaking to see her in that hospital bed, so fragile and old, nothing had me prepared for this day, all the strength I supposedly had crumbled as I saw my wife fighting for her life everyday, I wished I could take her pain away, every night I'd lay restlessly, I didn't even cry, I felt too numb to cry. The kids had moved back in for the while I was alone in our big house, our once home. It didn't feel like it anymore, I couldn't hear her laugh, wake up to her beautiful smile, I didn't have her warm save arms wrapped around me as I slept. Instead I was met with empty sheets that were cold from the absence next to me, but I had also grown distance because of the absence that was present in my heart, mind and body. She had my heart and had done for sixth happy years, but never did I think that my heart would die with her.
"Mum" I heard a soft voice call me, I was just sat looking at old pictures of the pair of us, I hadn't even realised I'd actually started crying until I was pulled away from my thoughts, I turned to find Mila stood at the door, her arm resting on the frame as she looked at me sadly, we were all hurting, I heard Mila crying every night, it seemed all of our hearts laid with her, she had captured not only all of her families love, but the love and hearts of her fans and other members of the industry. "What's wrong?" I asked suddenly, I noticed a tear slide down her face and felt more tears build up in my eyes, she scurried over to me and sat next to me like a timid child, the way she would when she'd fallen and hurt herself or when she'd come home crying because of boys. We both shared a loving hug, just comforting each other, trying to piece our broken hearts back together, keeping strong for her, praying every night and every second that she would pull through, but with each day she grew weaker and so did my hope. I had to keep this together for our kids, but it seemed Harley became the head of the family, he was our rock and managed to keep our hopes up, just like she used to, his charisma and his kind, soft words spoken as eloquently as she used to speak. Hearing his reassurance made me feel hope, even if my heart was beating down the faith that was there. "Mum!" I heard a shout of pain from downstairs, Mila and I ran down faster than we'd ever run in our life, faster than I thought I could at my old age. "What's happened?" Mila cried frantically. Harley's face had gone white, he'd fallen into a shocked silence, I let out a sob, I knew what was happening. "Everyone to the car" I managed to choke out, Harley said that he would drive and took the car keys, all of us leaving the house numbly. We drove to the hospital in silence, we all knew what waited and none of us were ready to let go. Once we arrived at the giant dull building we scurried in quickly, going straight to her room, passing reception with no questions. "Mrs..." "Where is she?" I stopped the doctor, I didn't want an explanation, I just wanted to say goodbye to my wife before the end came. "Through there" he replied sadly, pointing to her room. I let the kids go in first, they both went in together, I didn't want to hear what they were going to say to her, I just wanted them to say goodbye. I watched through the small window, seeing them both crying, but smiling sadly at what they were talking about with her. She wasn't crying, just smiling lovingly at her children, her proudness evident completely, she'd always taken pride in them and it was everything you'd want in a mother. Eventually both of them left, they were broken and Harley had finally cracked, he was sobbing violently into Mila's shoulder. It broke my heart and I knew after today everything would change.
This was it, I walked in to say my final goodbye. "Hey you" she croaked out, her voice was weak and hoarse, her skin pale and anything once recognised in her appearance was gone, but her heart and soul were still there, and that warmed my heart. "Hey" I managed to whisper out, smiling sadly at her, she frowned and intertwined our hands, placing them on the bed next the her. "Do you really have to leave now? I don't think I can do this without you, I don't think anyone could cope without you, you've given us so much strength, been our rock and carried us through our hardest times. Please don't leave me just yet" I was crying, but trying to make sure that I wasn't rambling incoherent sentences. "Hey, hey, shush" she soothed "Listen to me. You have given me so much in my life, you've been my everything from the beginning, the day we met was the best day of my life and I knew from that point, you had stolen my heart and you'll keep it forever. You're all going to be fine, I'll still be here with you. In here" she explained, she placed her free hand on her chest to indicate our hearts. I smiled, still she could make me smile. "There's that smile that got me through everyday" she complimented, I smiled a bit more, but then it became sad again. "The kids will keep you strong, you'll keep them strong, you're all my family and that's why I know you're all going to be okay. I know it's going to be hard when I'm gone, I'd feel the same in your position, but I want you to know that wherever we go after this, wherever our spirits fly, I'll be waiting for you, may it be in heaven, or a next life, maybe even hell with some of the things we've done, I will always wait for you, because you are my only, you will always have my heart even once I've passed, just know that this beats for you, and you only" she told me truthfully, placing my hand on her heart, I could feel her heart beating slowly, it was getting slower by the second and I knew the end was close. "I love you, I love you so much and everything we have ever been through has only caused my love to grow for you more. When we song our duet all those times, the sincerity of your voice, the love I felt through those lyrics and all those songs that were only always written for me. I'll always listen to them, I'll know you're next to me and you're going to leave with my heart, you've had it since the beginning and I knew you'd take care of it like you have, like you will in our next life" I spoke softly, she smiled weakly, her heart beat dropping drastically. "I love you too, and I love those kids with every fibre of my being" she told me, still smiling, a single tear sliding down her cheek as she knew this was the end. The kids had now joined us and we were now sharing our final goodbye. Her eyes closed softly and her heart monitor went flat, that's when we all knew it was over, we all cried and said goodbye as we left. I placed a soft kiss on her forehead before finally following the kids out of the room. That's when we all broke down into each other's arms, hugging each other tightly, it didn't feel right just the three of us, but we had to make it through without that important person that should've been here.

*end of flashback*

"We all loved her dearly, she'd given us so much happiness and never ever would hurt any of us, everything she ever done was for us and I'm sure I speak on behalf of everyone when I say that everyday she gave each of us a glimpse of hope when we came into contact with her, she could brighten anyone's day and she gave me so much love in the happy years we were married. We spoke about dying a lot, she always said she never feared it, when I'd asked her why, she told me that she had achieved everything, she had her family, the love of her life, her children and her career, she lived happily when she knew that was all hers and she wasn't scared to go because she knew she'd be leaving a legacy behind, she was scared for us, the kids and I, but she knew that we would make it through, she knew although we'd feel pain everyday through our loss, she knew we would make everyday count because that's what she would've wanted. I loved her so much that she took a piece of me with her that day, she took my heart with her, but I know that wherever she is that she is still looking after it, cause she still lies with me in my heart, her soul still stays in our presence and I know in our hardest times we will feel her presence there willing us through those downs" my speech had been made up from heart, I didn't want to write a speech, it didn't feel right and it felt better to speak truths and heartfelt words. The kids had done the same, their speeches had everyone in tears, looking at each individual face I saw the slight pain that they tried to hide whilst I spoke. "She loved me and I still love her, and I know she's here now smiling at me, proud of me and proud of Mila and Harley, because I don't think she'd rather be anywhere else than smiling proudly at the two beautiful children she had helped grow and she'd watched grow into talented and strong young individual. I love you, we all do" I finished my speech, the room was silent other than sniffles that could be heard, by now everyone was crying and we all walked by her coffin, saying our final goodbyes.

When we had finished the burial, most people went out and celebrated her life, celebrated everything she stood for and the inspiration she will still be in years to come despite her no longer being here. I went home with the kids, we all decided to sleep early, none of us feeling emotionally strong enough to deal with any media or any celebrating, we would do that in our own private way. Although I was exhausted, I tossed and turned for hours, I was wrapped in an old jumper of hers, it was her favourite and it still smelt of her. I decided to go and read through some old stuff in the studio, finding old lyric folders. I pulled a couple off a shelf and a small envelope fell down, the kids and I's names written on the front, I found three folded letters inside, one for me, one for Mila and one for Harley, they all had her handwriting in them and I instantly knew it was her final goodbye to us. I read my letter and played some of her old music in the background quietly. The letter was everything to me, it was symbol of her still being here, it was my sentimental antique of who she was. I left the kids letters in the envelope and continuously read mine, I read it so many times I could probably recite it back, but one line always got me, every time I read it. "I'll see you around" it was such a weird thing to say and write, but I knew she meant it and it made me feel comforted.
I fell asleep on that old couch that she would spend countless hours with our children, bonding and laughing, I smiled content at all the memories we had made. "I couldn't have asked for anymore. Goodbye" I whispered, finally succumbing to a lonely slumber.