No Talking, Nor Speaking

liii.

I opened up my mailbox today, only to find a letter.

A letter from, Kyle.

It's been about 2 weeks since the day at the coffee shop.

He hasn't tried to contact me for 2 whole weeks.

I quickly rip the letter in frustration.

But then realizing that the letter could be important, I decide to tape it back together.

Once I've done that, I read it.

Dear Jamie,

I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. You've probably been through hell and back, and I'm sorry for that. I just needed to get away. I needed to get away from all the pain, I was causing myself. I can't let you see that, all that pain.

I hope you don't hate me for leaving, but it was the right thing to do. I've been worse to myself the more we start getting cozy with each other. There are just too many horrible things I think about myself, that I don't want you to know about. You are too special to me. I don't want you to have to worry about me. I am too fawned of you, I can't let you be hurt because of me and my sorrowful soul. I can't do that to you, it wouldn't be fair of me. You've been through too much already.

I want you to know that the girl you saw in the coffee shop was my sister. I was planning on ways to try and tell you that, but I figured you didn't want to hear it. You said so in the coffee shop yourself. I was so mad at myself that day. I should've ran out into the street to tell you all of this. But I didn't, and I regret that so very much.

I need you to know that I never meant to hurt you. I didn't think it would hurt you as much as it probably did, and I'm so sorry for that. I want and need you to understand that, I just need some time. I need time to handle myself, before I can handle another. I don't want to hurt you in the process of trying to be better for myself and others. I care too much about you to see that happen.

I need help, Jamie. I need to be with my sister right now. She's the only family I have left. I'm going to live with her, and her family for the next 2 months. I need you to know that I'm always going to be there for you, even if I'm not actually there. Remember that always, Jamie.

Please, don't hurt yourself anymore. Drink your coffee, drink your water, and eat your food. Don't worry about me and the people around you. Worry about yourself for a while. Treat yourself nicely because Jamie, you are incredibly wonderful. I just need some time to fully understand, that I am also incredibly wonderful too.

I hope you will understand.
I love you, Jamie. But I can't love someone else without loving myself first.

Sincerely, Kyle

I put the letter down with tears brimming my eyes.

Oh, Kyle.

I wish I could give you all the time you need, I really wish I could.

But I don't know how much more time I have left, before I become too faint to even breathe.

It's harder to breathe everyday, Kyle.