Melodies of a stranger

Chapter 13

Maxi lay in bed staring at the ceiling, thoughts swirling around her head. Riftan's words kept echoing through her head.

"She's pissed and she's convinced that I cheated on her. She said something must have been going on before we broke up and well, she's not wrong, just not in the way she thinks."

She knew how Agnes felt. The pain was indescribable. It causes you to question all you thought you knew, to doubt your own judgement. Maxi had dealt with it by shutting out the world. How could something hurt her again if nothing could reach her? It was an incredibly lonely place to be. Slowly, she had started to let the world back in, but even now her ability to trust was damaged. It was like a knife through her heart to know that she had caused someone else that pain.

She had knowingly pursued a man in a relationship. She was so caught up in her feelings for him, had she even considered the fallout of her actions? They may not have had a physical affair, but they certainly had had an emotional one. Maxi felt disgusted at herself.

"Hey, what's wrong? You're huffing and puffing like a steam train."

A set of black eyes looked at her in the dark room. She had thought that Riftan had fallen asleep next to her.

"I can't stop thinking about Agnes and the pain she must be in. That we caused her..."

"You didn't cause her any pain, it's my doing. Try to put it out of your head."

"But I can't. I can't stand the thought of anyone else going through that pain, especially because of me. I chased you when you were still with her. Some responsibility has to fall to me."

Riftan went quiet, thinking of what to say.

"Agnes has a good heart, but we weren't compatible as a couple. She needs someone more emotionally available than me and I needed someone more grounded than her. We tore each other down by being together. She would provoke me in order to see emotion in me and I would hold her back from being who she was. I tried being as patient as possible with her but that's not what she needed. On Saturday, I called her intending to meet up face-to-face to break up with her. As soon as she answered, she started attacking me again. For a split second I wanted to hurt her as much as she was hurting me. So, I dumped her. I'm not proud of it and if I could, I would take it back."

Riftan was staring off into the distance, his face displaying a storm of emotions.

"I'm normally the type of person that tries to see a situation from every perspective and analyse everything carefully before I make a move. I don't act rashly. But with you, I can never seem to think straight. I never intended to go to you Saturday evening. I was going to get to know you slowly, build a friendship first. But when I saw you dancing and laughing, I couldn't help myself. I needed to talk to you. I needed to be near you. And then that wasn't enough, I needed to kiss you then I needed to be one with you. I've never felt this way before. I have never needed someone, ever. I didn't mean for things to happen the way they did. I truly do regret it. I especially regret hurting Agnes the way I did."

Riftan reached out and threaded his fingers through Maxi's.

"But I could never regret being with you."

He pulled her into an embrace, and they lay there, deep in thought.

"I tell you what I'll do Maxi, the last thing Agnes needs right now is me hounding her, I'll write her an email, sincerely apologising for what happened, no excuses. I'll let her know that if at any point she has questions, I'll gladly answer them. It's up to Agnes then how she responds."

"Do you think she'll accept an apology?"

"I don't know honestly. She is owed an apology, whether she accepts it or not, is up to her. She may choose not to read the message. You can't force someone to forgive you, no matter how badly you may want it."