Safe Haven

Chapter Six - Ben

At the funeral, I met Alden's parents for the first time. They were an older couple with laugh lines reminiscent of before. Despite that, I could tell that they were broken by the accident, yet they still reached out and hugged me with tight and sure arms, telling me that it wasn't my fault. It was. It was all my fault.

His mother and I sat at a table in the back of the funeral home, staring into our mugs of unsweetened coffee.

"I should have... I should've pushed him out of the way. I should've heard him behind me," I confessed weakly, finding her wet eyes.

"Oh, sweety," she cooed, "no one could have predicted this. Don't blame yourself."

The irony in the statement left me feeling heartbroken. If anyone could have predicted this, it should have been me. I lowered my head and let my tears join my untouched coffee.

~ ~ ~

I went home for a little while afterwards "just to mourn" as my mother had said. However, it wasn't long before I got too antsy with that and needed something to distract myself with. I needed to forget the image of Alden on that street. I needed to push down the thought that I knowingly saved a little girl I didn't even know only to unknowingly sacrifice my best friend. So, I went back to my regular classes and my regular dorm and my regular schedule, but with an irregular hole in my heart.

"So, I understand completely if you need any assignments voided or anything," my Astronomy professor mumbled after class that day. I was pretty sure I'd been asleep for the entire period, but I could fuzzily remember dreaming of this conversation. In it I'd said,

"Thank you, sir, but I shouldn't let this change my work habits. It's unprofessional," which sounded like an all-too-robotic version of myself, but I would never try to change the future again.

"Okay," the man didn't push. "Just let me know." I adjusted the strap of my book bag and thanked him again.

With that exchange over, I began my walk back to my dorm. It wasn't too far, but I'd discovered that my newfound... ability tended to drain me of my energy pretty quickly. Between that and the accident, I'd been napping everyday now.

The voicemail from my mum and missed call from a college friend would have to wait, I decided, as I let the strings of my backpack drip from my fingers and onto the wood flooring of my flat and gravitated towards my couch. It had been extra comfortable lately, and the throw blanket on the back of it was so predictably warm and soft, that almost as soon as I was fully horizontal, I was asleep. It felt like I hadn't even been asleep for five minutes when I awoke to a dark room. It had definitely been hours though, because when I checked my phone, it was 8 P.M. I found another slew of messages and a couple phone calls from the same friend, so I decided maybe it was important.

"You can't just not answer your phone, Benjamin Edward. You had me so worried, young man," my mother scolded when I finally called her back when I'd woken up.

"I'm sorry, mum! How many times do I have to say that? I was sleeping." She sighed on the other end, and I mentally prepared for another longwinded lecture of the motherly sorts.

"Oh, baby... Maybe you need to come home again. Are you taking care of yourself? I never should have let you leave," she fretted, sounding tired by the whole ordeal herself.

"Yes, I'm taking care of myself. You don't have to worry so much. I've just been tired lately." I thought about the statement. I thought about the reason why. Could I tell my mum what had been happening? Or would she just pass it off as grief? "Hey, mum?" I asked, cutting her off from her rambling.

"Yeah?"

I was silent for a moment as I started having second thoughts.

"Ben?"