Flaws and Scars (Are you okay?) - Clexa AU

Chapter 2

She woke with a start, sweat clinging to her forehead and her hands clutching the bedsheet. She was sitting straight up, her heart beating angrily in her chest. She could barely catch her breath, the panic that she felt in her dream now consuming her in her waking life. For the briefest moment, she didn't know where she was. She was alone, in a room that she hadn't slept in in months. The panic built, and then she recognized the setup of her own room —the one in her real home— and the events of the previous night came flooding back at her.

Running. Showing up at Raven's doorstep. Raven tending to her wounds. It all came rushing back at her like a wave, attempting to drown her and sucking her deeper, deeper, deeper into her panic. It was real. It was all real.

It had all really happened.

It had really happened.

She felt sick. No, more than that. It was more than nausea. It was repulsion. It was an awful, suffocating sickness that she'd never felt before. She barely even registered her own actions as she shot out of bed and ran for the bathroom. She hunched over the toilet, emptying her stomach into the basin without hesitation. She lurched again, a failed effort because her stomach was already empty. There was nothing left to expell. But she felt sick to the core, and she dry-heaved involuntarily, her body and her mind at war with each other. She didn't even register that she was crying, that tears were streaking down her face once again.

She shut her eyes, forcing herself to take a breath. She was clutching the sides of the toilet seat, her knuckles white with the intensity of her grip. She didn't even realize until she'd attempted to calm herself that Raven was behind her, holding her blonde hair up behind her head. She tensed up slightly when Raven's hand found her back, but she relaxed into it a moment later, dry heaving once more.

"Fuck," she muttered, pained and frustrated.

She was frustrated with herself. She was frustrated with how sick she felt. She was frustrated with the fact that she couldn't stop herself from dry heaving, nausea grabbing hold of her every time she finally managed to catch her breath. She was frustrated that she had just woken up and she was already struggling to hold it together. She was frustrated that she'd woken up to find that it was all real. She was frustrated that it had happened.

She dry heaved once more, shutting her eyes tightly as she willed herself to pull it together. She felt like shit already, and this wasn't helping. She needed to catch her breath, to settle her own nerves. She clenched her jaw, gripped the seat even more tightly as she took in a deep, shaky breath. She let it out, gritting her teeth hard. Raven said something to her, but she didn't hear it. She just needed to calm herself, to fight the urge that her body had.

A minute or two passed before she'd regained control of her body, before she was breathing evenly, no longer consumed with the urge to throw up. The episode had been exhausting, though, and she let out a heavy sigh as she sat on the tile floor. She leaned back against the bathtub and Raven let go of the blonde's hair. With her eyes still shut, Clarke didn't even realize that Octavia had been standing in the doorway throughout the entire event.

"Are you alright?" Raven asked softly, her hand on Clarke's shoulder.

The blonde just nodded, not quite ready to open her eyes. She didn't know what time it was, but the exhaustion that still consumed her indicated that she hadn't slept for long —had it been two hours, maybe three? She felt like a trainwreck. She probably looked like one, too. God, she was tired.

"I, uh, I didn't think you'd be up this soon," Raven spoke after a second, her voice laced with hesitancy. She paused, then continued, her voice even more unsure. "I was gonna tell you when you woke up, but, uh... Octavia's here."