Black & White

-20-

C H A P T E R T W E N T Y

As I laid wide awake that night, it was not the creaks and squeaks of my uneven mattress that woke me up. Guilt. That is what woke me up. I had jumped down my mother's throat, yet she was only trying to help me. My mother was already having a bad day, way before I got home from school. I could tell by her facial expression that she was thinking about dad. Instead of comforting her, I made her feel like God hating us was her fault.

"Ayize?"

I turned my head to the source of the voice that laid right beside me. "Why are you not asleep? You have school tomorrow." I whispered to Zenande.

Zenande raised her head from her pillow to check if mom was still asleep before whispering back. "And so do you."

"I heard what you said to mom earlier." She said once her head was back on the pillow and facing me.

Our house was very small. It consisted of one room. Our kitchen, living room and bedroom were all in the same space, unlike those houses in Parktown that had separate rooms for everything. A huge dull yellow curtain hooked to the ceiling separated our sleeping area from the rest of the room. So, while I was jumping down mom's throat, I had forgotten that Zenande was in the bedroom, behind the curtain.

"Is it true that God hates me? Is that why he took my parents away?"

As much as I wanted to tell Zenande that God hates all of us and not just her, I couldn't. Zenande was an innocent child and she did not need to know how cruel the word is as yet.

"God does not hate you. God loves us, all of us." I told her.

"But that's not what you said earlier."

"I know. Sometimes people say things they don't mean when they are angry."

"If God loves us then why did he take my parents and your dad away?" She asked.

Silence surrounded us as I thought of what to say to her. Once I had an answer, I answered her. "God has a plan for all of us. See, God sent our parents on a mission to come and fight for freedom. Once they were done fighting, God took them so that they can rest."

Zenande turned away from me and laid on her back so she was staring at the ceiling above us. "But I don't see this freedom that they fought for."

"We just have to be patient. That is what the bible teaches us, right? One day you will see the freedom that our parents fought for, and not only will you see it....you will feel it."