In Another Life {A Buddie Fic}

Anger.

Eddie had called Buck, he called him time and time again, only to never get an answer. He texted him but Buck hadn't so much as read the messages.

He decided finally, that he was over it. He dropped Chris off at Carla's house and drove to Buck's apartment. He knocked several times and then opened the door.

He found Buck laying on his couch with an open bottle of prescription meds on the table beside him.

Eddie ran into the room and crouched beside Buck, shaking him gently. His touch was met with the feeling of cool skin and he knew it was too late, but he called 911 anyway.

***

He paced the hallway as he awaited the paramedics coming back. He was anxious, and terrified.

The paramedics came out of the room and approaced Eddie with a look of sorrow on their faces, and he knew that he would never speak to Evan Buckley again.

"I'm sorry for your loss sir..." the taller  paramedic said, looking at the ground, "we couldn't do anything, he was already gone. But, I think he wanted you to have this." She handed him a folded piece of notebook paper and set a reassuring hand on his shoulder, turning him away from the coroner that was now carrying Buck away.

Once everyone had left, Eddie made his way into Bucks apartment and up the stairs to his loft where he sat on the bed and unfolded the paper.

It read;

"Dear Eddie,

I know your first thought was 'Evan, why?' So, I'm going to explain it. I've never loved someone the way I loved you. I fell in love with you more every time I saw you, and I always knew I didn't have a chance with you. But hearing you say those words, it killed me inside.

I loved you so much, Eddie. I really did. All I ever wanted was a life with you. One where we didn't have to be just friends. I wanted to build a family with you. And I wanted to give you the moon.

I guess I was an idiot for falling in love. But you can't tell your heart what to think, can you? I just wanted you. That's all I could have ever asked for. But, you didn't see me like that, and that's ok.

It's kind of funny, I'm happier than I have been in quite some time, laying on this couch, awaiting the clutches of death. You can't change your reality, and thats why I lay here now. Because, I love you. And I have for quite some time, but, you never felt that way. So, Eddie, this is good bye, and I still love you."

Eddie felt the tears streaming down his face and he slammed a balled fist at the wall behind him.

"God damnit Evan! I needed you in my life. You meant so much to me... I can't say good bye. I can't... I've lost so fucking much, and now I've lost you too. And all because of one smart ass remark. God this is all my fault."

He slammed his fist against the wall again and put his head between his knees, feeling the tears roll down his cheeks. "I guess that was good bye, Evan. I, I love you too. And I should've told you while i had the chance."