conrad fisher imagines

its just so hard

   everything was going perfect until the night we all found out susannah had cancer. the house was gloomy and as much as we wanted to keep her wish of us having a normal summer, we just couldn't help but remember how little time we had left with her. none of us had left the house in a few days and there wasn't a day that went by without me looking at susannah and rushing to my room to ball my eyes out. she was like my second mother and i couldn't bare the thought of ever losing her.

   it would be selfish of me to go on and on about how this impacted me without bringing up jere and conrad. it wasn't that they were feeling less than me they just knew how to hide it better. i couldn't imagine how much they were going through.

   conrad and i hadn't talked for days since he's been mostly locked up in his room all day every day. this was very different from like a week ago when he was all over me. of course i gave him his space but i still tried checking up on him here and there knocking on his door or texting him but he still pushed me away. i completely understood.

   i was just pulling into the driveway after getting some ingredients for a cake that susannah wanted to bake with me. i noticed conrad smoking outside on his rooms balcony but right as he sees the car he goes back inside. i ignore it and walk in setting the bag of flour and such on the countertop. the house was fairly quiet so i decide to go upstairs and check on savannah and my mom. i knock on susannahs
bedroom and see her and my mom laying in her bed watching their favorite show with a bowl of popcorn between them. "hey u guys ok" i ask smiling. my mom pauses their show not wanting to miss any of it. "ya we're good i'll be down in like 30 minutes to bake that cake with u honey" she says happily. "oh ok" i say nodding and closing the door.

   i didn't even think before walking towards conrads room. i stop right at the door with my hand on the handle debating in my head if this is a good idea or not. i come to the conclusion that he probably needs somebody right now and i open the door.

   i see conrad sitting at the edge of his unfazed by me opening the door. i walk up to him and sit down next to him on the bed with my hands together in between my legs looking at the floor. "hey i just wanted to see how u were holding up..." i say softly. "i'm fine y/n rlly" he reassures me. "conrad i can tell that something's off i just want u to know that u could tell me anything. i will listen." i tell him putting my hand on his hand. he puts his head on my shoulder. "i just-" his voice cracks and i rub his hand signaling him to continue. "i want to tell u everything but i don't even know what is going on in my head right now. i just don't know how to put it in words" he says his voice shaking like he's holding back his tears. i nod and a painful knot in my throat forms from me holding back my tears as well. hearing him like this is killing me and idk what to do. "i feel like all my relationships have gone to shit. with jeremiah, u, my mom." his voice cracks again when he mentions his mom. i don't say anything because i don't want to interrupt any thoughts he's having. "i just want things to go back to normal. yk after finding out everything i can't act normal knowing that my mom isn't doing good. i want to be there for her and comfort her and just be in her presence but it's just so hard." " just thinking abt it makes me cry i can't lose her" he starts sniffling and tears are coming out of his eyes. i notice him holding back. "just let it out conrad it's ok" i tell him. his arms wrap around me and he starts crying. i've never seen him this vulnerable in his life and i'm just glad that he knows he's not alone and that he has someone to talk abt it with...

a/n
i'm not a therapist and i genuinely find it rlly hard to comfort ppl but ya i tried my best for this one.