Would you love a creature? - Eddie Munson x Y/N

Chapter 8

Y/N

You felt more relaxed after telling Eddie everything. You felt the burdened weight lifted off your shoulders and since your name change you felt a little less like a lab experiment and more like a person. Eddie had even  gone to school over the last couple of days, you told him you felt ok with being left alone, and you discovered you liked alone time. You never had much of it at the Lab, there was always another kid or a white coat around supervising you, on the very rare occasion you were left alone you were always aware there were cameras tracking your every move. Here you didn't have any of that, you were left to your own devices and it was amazing.

You spent your days reading, Eddie had recommended Lord of the Rings which you were currently working through and when Eddie got home from school you'd watch movies and listen to music, it had only been two days since your outburst but you'd started to feel like a routine was happening and it felt good. You were used to routine, you found comfort in it, but this was a different routine than any you'd had before. There was no pain or anxiety, just quiet. The screaming in your brain had dulled to a quiet buzz and everything seemed calm for the first time in forever.

This allowed you to truly come to terms with your feelings for Eddie.

As much as you liked being alone you found you missed him, when it got close to 4pm you watched the clock waiting for him to walk through the door and when he did your body felt like it would burst with happiness. It was an emotion that was so incredibly alien to you and it was confusing, you've never missed anyone before, never wanted someone around you before. You've certainly never been so happy to see someone that it made your stomach flutter. You found yourself staring at him every moment you could, even if it was when he was doing simple tasks like watching tv or cooking. You just liked looking at him. You were drawn to his lips and the way he licked them when he was concentrating on something, his long curly hair and the way he would brush it in front of his mouth when he talked sometimes, the way his jaw clenched when he was mid conversation about something that irked him, how he fiddled with his rings and tapped his foot when he was thinking. Small little details that you enjoyed about him and you weren't sure why.

Tonight, sat on the couch watching a film you weren't concentrating on you decide to ask. It had been driving you crazy and you wanted to know why you felt this way.
"Eddie" You say quietly. "Can I ask you something?"
He breaks his focus from the film and turns to you.
"Yeah, sure, what's up?"
"I wanted to ask you about something I've been feeling. I don't know what it means because I've never experienced it before" you continue, then explain everything.
He stares at you with wide eyes, like flashlights have blinded him on the highway.
"Wow, ok, well, that's part of having someone around you that you like. We like hanging out with each other so naturally you're going to look forward to it. It's just part of having a friend Y/N, it's nothing" he smiles. Turning his attention back to the tv but you can see he's distracted now, like somethings on his mind.
"Are you ok?" You ask, worried there's something he's not telling you.
He nods but doesn't look back at you, his gaze fixed directly on the TV. You look down and notice he's fiddling with his rings and his knee is bobbing up and down as his foot taps against the floor.

Eddie

I lied to her. She told me she likes me and I lied. I felt like shit doing it but how could I tell her what that really was? She blindsided me completely and I didn't know what to do. It had only been a couple of days since she poured her story out to me, I couldn't have those thoughts about her after that. She's vulnerable and fragile and I already felt so wrong imagining what I had been about her, after that it felt so sordid, so to find out she felt the same was like a punch in the stomach.
It made me angrier at those cunts and what they did to her, she deserved a normal life and they robbed her of that, we could have had something by now but they've made it wrong and perverse.

Now I lie here in bed next to her, wide awake and confused. I wanted her, god knows I fucking wanted her, but I couldn't. She was learning the world and everything that comes with it and she has so much to learn. She didn't need me and everything I come with hindering that.

I look over at her and watch her sleep. Her eyes dart under her eyelids as she dreams, her chest rising and falling slowly signalling she's in a deep sleep, her lips are parted ever so slightly, a peppermint smell coming from her mouth as she breathes.
She didn't know I felt the same. She was in my thoughts all the time, I wondered what she was doing when I was gone and when we were together I just wanted to be near her. I always saw her looking at me. I thought she was just curious, finding ways to learn how to react to things by watching me but now I know it's more than that.

She had feelings, real feelings, and I completely gaslit her.
She couldn't know I felt this way, it would confuse her more and open up something new she didn't need to worry about yet.

Maybe one day I'll tell her, one day when she's wiser of the world and the creatures in it.
For now she didn't need to worry about this creature and what it means to be in love.