Dianthus Caryophyllus

purple hyacinths , sorrow and regret

"Tommy" He smiled, rather sadly for Tommy's taste. "I'm sorry"

Hearing those words made Tommy look at his face directly. He didn't expect him to apologize at this time. Is there something wrong? Tommy let out a confused sound like a confused puppy. His brows furrowed.

He let out a quite amused chuckle. "I know you're confused but seriously, I'm here to apologize for my actions. I've been a horrible, worst brother and I'm so sorry. I'm not really good with words and this emotional— thing but I will try to explain my side to you"

Before Tommy can interrupt, he continues. "Ever since you were brought up to this world, I promised to take good care of you no matter what. I promise to read good night books for you, I promised that I'll practice sewing which I did to fix your teddy back then although it turns out miserable. I promised to be a good big brother you can ever have. But of course, things come to an end.

I became distant. I noticed your eyes and actions when Ranboo came along. I know you felt replaced yet I did not act it out like I was supposed to. I noticed how father had high expectations for you to achieve yet failed to do so. And I didn't do anything about it.

I regret it. I regret my horrible actions and words that fell out of my mouth. The day I called you, even so subtly but I know you're thinking about it, a waste of time was a grave mistake that I made. I understand you won't forgive me that easily or not forgive me at all and honestly? I have done the same on your part. I still don't forgive myself and to our family as well but I apologize nonetheless"

Tommy stood there speechless. Both were standing there, in their backyard with complete and utter silence. Tommy gulped, tears threatening to spill out any second. He hated him, hated him, loathed him for all things he has done in the past. He hated him the most among all family members who betrayed him.

Why?

Because he was physically there yet he's too distant to reach.

But hearing those words spilled out of his mouth made his heart ache and just wants to forgive him then and there, forgetting their distant relationship in the past. He just couldn't. Why now?

"I was scared, to be truthfully honest with you" He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Finding it amusing and ironic seeing the fact that he was considered the toughest undefeated champion who didn't flinch whenever he was hit or pushed in tournaments. Who don't show emotions inside and outside school. "I don't exactly know why but I was afraid of losing you"

The blonde's breathing hitched. Face looks stricken, did not really expect that sentiment. What does he mean by that? If he was indeed afraid of losing me, why distant himself with a great possibility of literally losing me? Tears, after keeping it in place for quite a long time finally escaped and now slowly falling down his cheeks. Tommy didn't pay any mind. He didn't crumpled like a piece of paper, his face not wavering with any emotion. Just tears leaking out, like dirt particles who intrude his eyes causing him to tear up. "I know, I know. It's ironic when I now think about it but— you act and look exactly like her"

Who's her? Tommy's hands formed a fist, whitening due to the commotion. This explanation makes no fucking sense. He's frustrated because he cannot understand what he's trying to explain and apologize.

"When you were a kid. Three years old and seven weeks. You were hospitalized" Tommy lifted his head up almost instantly. What? "The doctors found abnormalities inside your body and dad was devastated. Since you were a baby at that time, you have fifty-fifty percent of living. But— but you survived! Of course you survived! You're strong, brave and- and too innocent to die. And at that moment, I thought to myself. If I get too attached to you then a half of me will strip away if something bad happens to you