crossed over (alver x og cale)

Part 16

It began in flashes of his senses. Sharp smells and sights and sounds that were so fleeting that it could have been his imagination.

Cale wasn't naive enough to dismiss such a fragile clue though. Especially when the obnoxious state of sobriety that he lived in didn't offer him any such reprieve from his thoughts. Alberu had been quite firm about his alcohol intake, not forbidding it, but making it abundantly clear that he would be deeply disappointed if Cale over indulged.

So instead he was clear headed and he had all the time in the world to think. Especially when Alberu stopped taking time off work because Cale had stabilized and he didn't have to worry as much.

It didn't take long for Cale to notice a certain pattern to the flashes. They always happened when Cale approached a very specific mental state.

And the flashes were always of his home. The place he desperately wanted to return to and the place he dreaded.

Cale could clearly remember what he'd been thinking about the day he swapped places for the first time. The spiral of negativity he'd been drunk on and the pivotal question he'd asked himself.

How did he solve the mess he'd gotten himself into?

His solution had been death, as life itself was pain. And as though to mock his answer, the gods had shown him a world where he'd chosen a different answer. A better answer.

He hated it.

The single hint he had for a way to link himself to his old world and yet he couldn't bring himself to explore it because of how his gut twisted at the mere thought.

It wasn't just his pride.

"What's wrong?"

Cale flinched away from Alberu's concerned hand that had grazed against his forehead in such a casual show of concern that it irked him to no end. "Nothing." He snapped, trying to muster any sincere anger and failing.

Alberu frowned, silently getting up from the couch and heading towards the kitchen. Giving Cale just enough space to regret trying to pick a fight before he returned with a warm mug of hot chocolate, passing it over to Cale with a placating smile. "Want to talk about it?"

'...I fucking hate him.' Cale grit his teeth, accepting the mug and barely restraining the whole plethora of emotions that snuck around underneath his skin, flowing with the blood of his veins and infecting every inch of him with this unshakable and undeniable emotion.

Alberu sat with his coffee and waited with calm patience for Cale to make up his mind.

"...I want to go home." Cale said sourly, looking away as he lied.

What he wanted was right in front of him.

"I understand." Alberu said and he didn't offer any other consolation. He didn't say it's okay because it wasn't and he didn't say we'll figure it out because he wasn't a liar.

Cale hated that. Hated how Alberu was just the right temperature to give him no excuses to boil over. Hated how he was so easily comforted by such simple honesty.

"What would you do if I went home right now?" Cale asked out of the blue, feigning hypotheticals as he thought about his singular hint to return and resented it all the more.

Alberu was silent for a long time before he found his answer. "...I'm really not sure."

Cale clenched his fists and looked away, his heart agonized in his chest.

What would it matter to Alberu? He'd have the person he truly wanted and Cale–

Cale would never see him again.