crossed over (alver x og cale)

Part 14

<Hey asshole,

Fuck you>

Cale stared down at the page, tapping his pen thoughtfully as he glared at the words.

After settling matters with his family to the best of his ability and acknowledging that he might need to reconsider how he was living his life up until now, Cale had decided to write a letter to his other self.

If he was able to return home at all, that meant that the Cale that belonged here was liable to return and they were unlikely to ever meet.

So Cale wanted a chance to list out his grievances with the damn bastard.

The trouble was that now that he actually sat down and put pen to paper, everything he'd wanted to say until now flowed away from him and he was left with only insults and angry rants. It wasn't that he didn't want the opportunity to cuss out his other self, it was just that he actually had a lot of other shit he wanted to say.

Besides, insults tended to lose their bite once removed from oral expressions of emotion and blandly written down, dead and lacking in any tone or nuance.

Cale was struggling to find the words.

He could hear Alberu in the kitchen making yet another probably amazing meal for them to share and the thought filled him with an emptiness.

Suddenly he knew where to start.

<I didn't kiss him. You're a jealous asshole so you're probably worried about that.

He never crossed the boundary with me either. It's actually obnoxious what a gentleman he is. I could strangle him.

I think I hate him most days. I definitely hate you. I hate the perfect life you've created and I hate filling in for you.

I don't even want to know what fuckery you've done with my life but you'll be relieved to know that your stupid fiance kept me from destroying fucking it up too badly. You might have lost your job though. I sure as fuck wasn't going to go deal with that shit.

I don't understand you. I don't know what's so different about us. I don't want to live your fucking life anymore.

But I don't want to live mine either.

I think that's why you changed. We both hated it but you chose to change because you hated it and I chose to stagnate.

I hate that. I hate you.

If I'm honest, I probably fell in love with him. What a fucking joke that is. He loves you. The person you were. The person you are. All that sappy ass bullshit. And now I get to be the one who's fucking jealous because no matter what he says, he sees you in me and that's the only fucking reason he gives even the slightest shit about me.

I'm sorry.

I don't fucking apologize to people much so you better appreciate this, asshole.

I'm sorry you had to live my life. For every bitter complaint I have about having to walk in your shoes, I know that my shoes are worse. I'm sorry I didn't fix shit like you did.

It sounds sarcastic when I read it and that's why I hate the written word. I do mean it. I know how hard it must have been. I don't even know if I could even manage as good as you did even if I tried. Living my garbage life when you could be here must have been torture. You earned better than that shit.

I know it's not a consolation that I'm not enjoying your charmed life when you're suffering through mine but I'm not so we're both fucking miserable right now.