She ran. She had deferred her admission and that was the last anyone had seen of her in the past week. She sat at the church near their country home. Pastor Derrick was always there to speak with her whenever she wanted him to. He pulled out the chair next to hers at the dining room. ‘Paris it’s been a long time since you last visited.’ He said as he walked towards his hoem which was three buildings away. ‘I know pastor.’ ‘You still haven’t told me what the problem is.’ ‘The problem is, I don’t know how to start this. You’ll scold me, and I know that I deserve just that but –’ ‘what did you do.’
She went into the house and hugged Marsh his wife. She set the table and said, ‘Paris, you’ll spend the night here. I wouldn’t want you in that house all alone.’ After dinner, the first meal Paris had hadd that day, she helped Marsha with the dishes and sat in the den to talk with the couple. After explaining he looked at her. ‘You fasted?’ ‘Yes. We both did. It was just once. But I am scared he might not want me.’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘He’s thirty- five, I’m eighteen! I am in love with him. Totally. He is everything I have ever wanted. Spiritual, has a strong love for God and his family. Committed, taller than I am and older too. But what if I’m not it for him? What if it’s just his baby he wants and not me. What if after all of this I end up just like Vanessa? Would I find that man I was created for? Would I finally feel what it is like to actually belong in a complete family? Will I finally find my perfect place, my home?’ ‘Those are not questions any mortal could answer child. It’s time you ask the Holy Spirit to guide you. Like you used to. You let anger consume you for no reason at all. Your mother will be just the way she is. You don’t have to turn yourself into a monster to repay her. Remember the word of the Lord, ‘vengeance is Mine sayeth the Lord’? Child you have to pull yourself together. Let God control your life.’ He was about to stand when she asked. ‘How is Naomi?’ ‘She is great. She’d love to hear from you. She’d called yesterday but you were praying.’ ‘Her work is going fine?’ ‘Quite, she now not only works at the bank but helps out in church with the kids at night.’ ‘I wish I could have made my father proud that way instead of being this –’ ‘now don’t go beating yourself up about it. Naomi’s a lot older than you are.’ ‘She’s – ’ ‘Don’t do that. Paris I have tried to teach you but it seems you’re deaf to those words of mine. Stop comparing yourself with other people. You aren’t them. When He created you he picked out your every detail specifically to make you. When He formed you, He threw away that mould. You can only be you. This man you say you’re in love with couldn’t find another like you –’ ‘then why hasn’t he called? Why is his phone switched off? How long do I have to wait to get his call?’ ‘You are waiting, worrying when you are supposed to be praying for him. Praying to God for his safety.’ Marsha said. ‘I’ll do just that. I’m leaving tonight though.’ ‘To where?’ ‘Gran’s. I can’t let her hear it from someone else. If I’m going to be a disappointment to my family the least I can do is tell her the truth of what happened.’ ‘Miranda would be the perfect person to stay with. You both are alike, but she’ll control you. You’ll leave in the morning. The drive is long and I don’t want you to get stranded. Or was still get too tired and sleep off while driving. You’re staying. ’ ‘Okay. I am so grateful you didn’t judge me, Pastors.’ ‘No one has that right; not we, not the Church, not even your parents! Only God, who paid the ultimate price for you can do that. And if you say you have found peace, then let that peace follow you.’ Pastor Derrick said. ‘Don’t let anyone’s judgement get to you. They are not your God. Now go on upstairs, it is late.’ Marsha said.
