Crystal blue (Erwinxreader)

His name

Flashback- 11 years ago (age 10)

"Dad, why do you and mom lie about your names? Why don't you just say your real name?"

"It's not exactly lying, it's called an alias."

"What's an alias?"

"It's when you use a different name for yourself, it's not exactly lying, it's like having two names, one you were born with and one you chose later."

"So does everyone have two names?"

"No honey, just the ones who need it."

"So you and mom need it? Why do you need it?"

"You'll understand when you're older, now it's time for bed."

"But dad, do I have a second name too?"

"You have only one first name, but you have two surnames, the real one and the alias."

"So which one do I use when people ask me about it?"

"You can use your real name, you have no reason to use a different one. now enough questions and go to sleep, if your mom finds out you're still awake she will kill the both of us."
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Current day

After talking with Levi, he said something that made me think, Erwin really was the only one who kept me in check, I never cared about orders or threats or punishments until it came to him, he didn't even do anything that extreme but I'm still scared of disobeying him. It's like I don't want to disappoint him and for some reason I want him to be proud of me, whatever, this shit is so weird, I gotta stop thinking about it, about him.

It was almost night and it started to get colder, I didn't want to go to my room and listen to Sasha's talking so I just decides to stay outside for a few minutes. I wanted to be alone for some reason and just not talk to anyone. At least I hoped to.

"It's getting cold, you should go to your room."
Erwin said from right behind me.

Why does he always show up when I think
about him? It's like he reads my mind.

"I'll go in a few minutes, is that okay?"
It's not even curfew yet, why does he want me in my room? I'm not the only one outside.

"Mhm." He replied. Then he took out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, and the pack was almost empty, there were only 3 cigarettes left, why is he suddenly smoking so much?

"Can I try that?" I said while pointing at the cigarette pack. My parents were both heavy smokers, I always wanted to try it too but never had the chance. Asking Erwin wasn't a good idea but the worst he could say is no.

"No." He responded dryly.

Ouch.

"Please? I'll just try it once and that's it, I promise."
I don't know why I keep trying, sometimes I should just give up.

"No cadet, you can't try it, why would you even want to try something so nasty?"

"I don't know, I just want to see what it's like."