Crystal blue (Erwinxreader)

Cloud 9

I woke up surprisingly early, way earlier than usual. I went to brush my teeth and found Sasha washing her face in the bathroom, she looked like she just woke up too. Huh, why did I wake up this early?

"What the- why are you up? It's early." Sasha said in shock.

"I don't know, I just woke up."

"That's not normal. That's crazy. What happened?" She asked, still looking shocked.

"Stop with these questions, it's too early." I spoke sleepily.

"That's my point exactly! It's too early."
I guess she won't let it go until I tell her.

"It's nothing to do with it! But... me and Erwin... you know. We sort of kissed yesterday and it ended well. I guess I was excited that's why I woke up now." I said shyly.

"WHAT? you kissed again? How? I thought he didn't want anything to do with that! Oh God, did you also... you know." She shouted.

"No! Nothing like that. I thought he wanted nothing to do with it too, but when he saw me and Jean almost kissing, he started telling me he can't resist me anymore and whatnots." I said as I began brushing my teeth.
Sasha suddenly punched my shoulder and my toothbrush hit the roof of my mouth which hurt like a bitch. I keep forgetting how chaotic this girl really is.
"What the fuck? Why the need to be violent at six in the morning? My mouth is fucking bleeding."

"YOU AND JEAN ALMOST KISSED? What the hell?! When did all this happen?" She yelled.

This is why I hold back on telling her things.
"Yesterday night, he was leaning in to kiss me and Erwin caught us. I wasn't actually going to kiss Jean."

"Why was Jean even going to kiss you? Don't tell me you're playing with him again."
Playing with him? What the hell does she mean?

"What are you talking about? I never played Jean."

"You know what I mean."

------------------------

Sasha and I went to eat breakfast. We continued talking about Erwin and everything since we had extra time. She was surprised by everything as usual but seemed to support it again. The only thing I'm scared of is her accidentally exposing me like that time with Eren.

"Seriously Sasha, you can't tell anyone. This is serious, if you make the same mistake I'll literally burn you alive." I threatened.

"Fine! Calm down." She said.

"Y/n, can I talk to you?"
I turned around to find Jean. He looked awkward and shy. I guessed he probably wants to talk about yesterday. Sasha left us and gave me a good 'luck look' just before.

"Yes Jean?" I asked.

"Well, about yesterday... I want to know, if the commander hadn't interrupted us, would we... you know." He spoke shyly and looked away.
Why is he so shy? We've been through much more than an almost kiss.

"Jean, we finally had things calm down between us. Why would you want to go down that road again?"

"I just... I want to know the answer." He said softly.

I thought long about what I'd say. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, not again, but I don't feel anything for him, if I even did at some point it's now for sure gone. My heart completely belongs to someone else. I'm not that person, even Sasha thought I was using him, I'm not like that. I have to be honest with him.
"No, I wouldn't kiss you back." I answered coldly. I had to be this blunt, I don't want to give him hope or anything.

"Then... why didn't you back away faster?" He asked confusedly.

That's true, why didn't I back away faster? I never even thought about it. Did a part of me want to kiss him back? No, there's no way. Maybe it was the desperation, or maybe I needed a distraction.
God, and I thought this morning would be good.
"I was just trying to see for sure what you'd do. Jean, I don't want to go through this again, please, let's just move on." I begged.